Holy Witch War (the one that never happened)
by omaomae
Summary: "I ask of you, are you my Master?" A Fate AU co-authored with Peanut-Butter-Bandit, aka idunscrewedup on Tumblr. Apparently now its got multiple chapters. So TEE HEE.
1. Witches and Knights

**Author's Notes:**

So what happens when you put two authors who can't plan fics for their life but love _LWA_ and _Fate_ together in one chat? This insanity.

This is crack. Please enjoy with a grain of salt LOL.

When you put a tomato and a wannabe knight together… you get madness XD (:D)

Honestly, this is only rated T for Mordred's potty mouth. And it's not even that much.

This is not beta'd or checked for errors. Tomato finished this at midnight while it is… three in the friggin morning for Bandit _go the fuck to bed gdi_.

* * *

 **Holy Witch War (the one that never happened)**

"So… what I get is… we're chosen to be 'masters' in this super secret war between witches where we have to kill each other for a cup? And we fight by summoning these spirits that are our 'servants.'" Akko scratches her head and flings around the sheet of paper in her other hand. "That sounds… like some weird roleplay thing."

Well, when Akko puts it that way.

Diana sighs. "The Holy Grail War is a traditional battle between mages for the Holy Grail, an omnipotent wish-granting device designed by three mages of old. The Masters summon Heroic Spirits from the Throne of Heroes as their weapons to fight in this war. This summoning is the highest level any spellcaster can perform. It is nothing short from performing miracles."

"It still sounds like a roleplay thing." But Akko doesn't protest further and takes her place in the center of one of the three summoning circles.

"Is this… ethical?" Lotte asks to the side. "It sounds like a dangerous war."

"Our teams basically won a weird lottery and suddenly Diana, Amanda, and Akko got weird bruises on their hands," Sucy says. "But hey, we have permission from the professors. Can't be that bad."

Amanda ignores the side-discussion, "So what you're telling me is we get to have an awesome battle and meet cool historic dudes? Sounds great!" she punches at the air, bouncing in place near her assigned circle.

"That is… essentially what we are doing, yes." Diana doesn't know if she has any more air to sigh. If she keeps this up, her soul will leave her body before _Heart of Steel_ finishes. So she takes her place in one of the other summoning circles as well.

"We have to say it all at once, right?" Amanda brandishes the paper with the summoning chant.

"It is not necessary. Though I suppose it adds to the dramatic effect," Diana says.

"Why is this so _long_?" Akko groans. "I guess having the paper helps."

Chariot coughs at the front of the room. "Well, let's not keep your Servants waiting! When you three are ready, you can begin."

The girls take a deep breath and begin simultaneously,

" _Let silver and steel be the essence._

 _Let stone and the archduke of contracts be the foundation_

 _Let *all shout their team color*, the colour I pay tribute to_

 _Let rise a wall against the wind that shall fall_

 _Let the four cardinal gates close._

 _Let the three-forked road from the crown reaching unto the Kingdom rotate._

 _I hereby declare._

 _Your body shall serve under me._

 _My fate shall be your sword._

 _Submit to the beckoning of the Holy Grail_

 _If you will submit to this will and this reason…Then answer!_

 _An oath shall be sworn here!_

 _I shall attain all virtues of all of Heaven._

 _I shall have dominion over all evils of all of Hell!_

 _From the Seventh Heaven, attended to by three greet words of power,_

 _Come forth from the ring of restraints,_

 _Protector of the Holy Balance!"_

A great wind picks up, full of sparks of magical energy, causing the hairs on the back of everyone's neck to rise. Within three maelstroms, the magic begins to coalesce. It takes shape, and finally the wind retreats. Instead of circles of quicksilver, now there are three shapes, one kneeling before each girl.

The figure kneeling in front of Akko lifts her head and stands so that everyone can see the face beneath the white witch hat. The ornate staff in her hand strikes against the ground.

"I am Servant Rider. May I ask, are you my Master?"

The voice is familiar. The face is familiar. The clothes are weird - a combination of a witch's uniform and traditional riding clothes - but everyone's mouths drop open at this familiar person.

"Wh-WHY ARE THERE TWO DIANAS?!" Akko screams.

Actually, Akko's not the only one who says that.

Lotte turns to Professor Chariot. "Is… is this right?"

Chariot doesn't know what to say. "How should I know?! I haven't watched any of the _Fate_ series!"

Rider frowns. Her eyes first appraise her Master, then the other witches in the room. Everyone except the two figures in the other two summoning circles are familiar.

(This is not good.)

Rider sighs. "I see. Even in death, I cannot escape from you girls."

Diana cannot take her eyes off of this woman who looks like a mixture of herself and her deceased mother.

"Who… who are you?"

Rider looks unimpressed. "I am not going to say something as cliche as 'I am your mother' or something along those lines. You should be smart enough to deduce the obvious answer."

Oh, Diana knows who this person is. As if the obnoxious hair-flipping isn't familiar enough. She just never would have thought _she_ would have the ability to throw so much sarcasm in one sitting.

The other shapes, Servants, seem to ignore what's going on around them. They stand up at the same time and begin to speak.

"I am Servant Saber!" Eerily, they pause at the same time before continuing, "and I ask of you, are you my Master?"

The one in front of Amanda has a dangerous edge to the question, like an unworthy person would be killed for their amusement. "I'm your Master, that is, if you're up to snuff!"

No one ever said Amanda had a sense of self-preservation.

The figure loomed, somehow taller and more opposing as a strange metal noise starts. The horned helm of the impressive knight cracks open to reveal… a broadly smirking girl?

"I am the one true heir to Camelot, to the seat of Arthur Pendragon's power. I am Sir Mordred, the knight of treachery!" A sword appears and they plant it in the ground in front of them, rocking forward excitedly, "Is that 'up to snuff'?"

Amanda smiles, "Ah sweet, you're a chick! A-" she breaks off for the very important task of _trying not to be beheaded_.

Everyone else turns away from staring at Diana and Rider to drop their jaws in Amanda's direction.

"Is _that_ supposed to happen?!" Lotte cries.

"I don't know stop asking me!" Chariot cries back.

"Well, I guess Amanda really got the right Servant for her," Sucy comments. "Just as hotheaded as her, apparently."

The Servant springs into motion as soon as the word 'chick' finishes. "If you imply I'm a woman again, I will not hold back my anger. Do you understand?" The sword hovers less than an inch away from Amanda's neck and the once-pleasant face is twisted in rage.

Amanda swallows. (I shouldn't have been so thoughtless.) "Y-yes."

Mordred nods and the sword vanishes.

Akko points at Mordred. "Uh, so if you're not a girl, are you a guy?"

An intense gaze swivels to pin Akko, "I'm a Knight, son of King Arthur, what do you think?"

Akko gulps. "Okay, gotcha." She looks up at Rider. "Um, why'd you step in front of me?"

Rider glares at Mordred but lowers her staff. "You are my Master. Although it appears I will be cooperating with these other Servants, in the end you are my priority."

Akko blushes. "Um, that's really nice of you?"

Rider raises an eyebrow. "Have I done anything to prove otherwise?" She directs a glare at her other counterpart.

Diana glares back. But before she can retort, her own Servant stands and takes her place in front of her Master.

"Likewise, I will not stand by as my Master is threatened," the other Saber quips. "Even if we are allies, Rider."

Mordred turns to look inquisitively at the other Saber.

Diana blinks at the Servant in front of her. The designated effect of the Servant protecting the Master is kind of mitigated due to the height difference. Unlike Rider and Akko, where the former is almost half a head taller than the latter (how the hell did Diana grow so much?! LOL), Diana's Servant is even shorter than Akko.

Her armor and dress assemble are _breathtaking_ though.

"Servant Saber, am I correct?" Diana asks.

"Yes, Master. You may call me Saber," Saber bows shallowly. This servant has no helm, like Rider. She fully turns to look around the room to survey the other occupants.

When Saber and Mordred make eye-contact, Mordred springs into motion once more; this time with a scream on his lips.

"ARTHURR."

The sword is back in hand, a powerful overhead swing aimed at Saber.

"What _now_?!" Lotte and Chariot bemoan at the same time.

Sucy giggles. "I don't know, but this is way more amusing than I thought it'd be."

"How is the stupidity of two authors amusing?!" Lotte stops herself. "Oh, wait no you're right. _Of course_ authors would do something like this!"

Saber brings her hand up, but in the completely wrong place to block the blow. All but two are surprised when Mordred's blade halts with a clang of metal. Mordred growls and what must be _two_ swords clash again.

Diana's eyes widen. "An invisible sword?" She shakes her head. "No, my obsession with swords is unimportant here. Amanda! Stop your Servant!"

Amanda finally responds, "Hey, stop! Mordred! What're you even doing?!"

Mordred doesn't respond, but also doesn't continue attacking. After a pause he shoves his sword against Saber's angrily, pushing her back slightly. Bitterly, he bites out, "Ask my Father."

"Your _what_?!" Everyone screams.

"You're a guy too?!" Akko points and shouts. "Wait, _you're_ King Arthur?!"

Rider frowns. "I suppose history has its inaccuracies."

"Wow, Diana summoned a female King Arthur. Why am I not surprised?" Sucy drawls.

Diana's eyes remain on her Servant. "You are… Arthur Pendragon? The King of Britain?"

Mordred stalks back to Amanda.

A sword appears in Saber's hand, resplendent in its shine. "I…" Saber pauses for a moment, "I was King Arthur, yes." A glare at Mordred, "King of Knights, wielder of Excalibur, owner of its sheath, Avalon, Arth- Arturia Pendragon, heir to Uther Pendragon. Rightful King of Britain, chosen by the sword Caliburn." She makes a sweeping gesture with the sword and then it disappears again.

"And my Father, though he'd never say it," Mordred spits.

Of all things to say, Akko chooses to say, "So… King Arthur is a girl… but her son is a guy."

"That is to my understanding as well," Rider says.

Amanda speaks up, "Well, I got the coolest Servant so you can all go home."

"What did you say?!" Akko stomps up to Amanda and sticks her face into the American witch's. "I have _Diana_. How can anyone be cooler than her?!"

"Akko, your gay is showing," Sucy says.

"Mine's all broody and has the best armor though," Amanda points out, "He's got a helmet that can," Amanda mimics the way the helmet opened earlier with sound effects.

"Oh yeah? Servant!Diana has those tight pants that show off her curves!"

"AKKO, YOUR GAY IS SHOWING!" Lotte and Chariot shout.

Rider looks down. "Are my trousers truly that tight?"

Diana appraises her counterpart. "A bit. Where in the world did you get this outfit?"

Rider frowns. "I designed it myself. Is there a problem?"

"Quite a few." Diana sighs. "I am truly disappointed that I would ever choose such clothes to wear in public."

"The public's opinion does not matter to me considering they burned me to death."

Okay, before this takes a turn for more angst ~sasuga Tomato~, let's switch to the others.

Mordred shouts at Arturia again, "Still you refuse to acknowledge me?!"

"Your actions so far prove that I was not incorrect in my initial decision regarding you. I do not blame you for your circumstance of birth, but your own actions, certainly," Arturia dismisses him.

Amanda places a hand on Mordred's arm, voice soft, "I don't think talking to her is going to make a difference. Please don't start attacking again though."

Mordred scoffs, shakes off Amanda's hand, and turns from his father, helm reforming. ~He's totally not crying it's okay.~

Akko does her best to ignore the two blondes next to her. "Yikes. Someone needs a good parent teacher conference meeting."

"I am not mediating this," Chariot protests.

"I believe you would need to find Merlin for this," Diana says.

An angry growl comes from Mordred again, "MERLIN IS A WORTHLESS BASTARD," but he makes no other moves.

Arturia sighs and turns to Diana, "To what end were we summoned? This situation does not appear to be traditional."

"Our goal is to obtain the Holy Grail before the other four Masters. Akko, Amanda, and I have allied together to increase our chances for victory," Diana replies. "Though I do not know why two Servants of the Saber class were summoned."

Akko shrugs. "Maybe the gacha messed up and spat out the wrong Servant."

Rider raises an eyebrow. "An alliance, you say?"

(Do they assume… Ah, so that is it. They have no idea that we are on separate teams. I suppose it is more amusing this way.)

Mordred snipes, "Guess you're going to have to acknowledge me some, _Father_ , if we're to be working together. And I will crush you after our team is victorious."

"Wait, after we have the grail why would you not disappear?" Amanda asks.

Mordred turns, "After we," he motions from Amanda to himself, "get the grail and each make our wish, then yes."

"No, it's we," Amanda motions to herself, Mordred, Diana, Saber, other!Diana, and Akko, "Win the grail. Our team."

Mordred nods slowly, as if to a very small child or dumb person, "Our team," he repeats Amanda's motions, pointing at Arturia in particular with his middle finger, "works together and beats the other team, but then each Servant-Master pair fights to claim their wishes." He stops nodding and watches Amanda for comprehension.

Amanda looks to Chariot for guidance, because this setup is sounding less like a fun time and more like certain death for two thirds of the group.

"I… honestly have no idea how any of this works," Chariot groans.

"Well, it is not necessary to kill the Masters," Rider explains. "It is frequently a battle tactic simply to rid the possibility of the Master forming a contract with another Servant after their original is killed."

"So… just to take the Masters out of the game, right?" Akko asks.

Rider nods. "The other reason is to cut off the Servant's magic supply. The Masters serve to provide the necessary magical energy to keep our forms in the material world. If we do not have energy magic energy to supply us, we will simply fade and return to the Throne of Heroes."

Diana hums. "Not to mention Masters are only humans, whereas Servants are powerful familiars. They are easier targets compared to Servants."

Akko nods. "Oh. Okay, I can see why you guys would target the Masters."

Amanda nods at Mordred, "Thank you, I think we understand now."

"BREAK!" Hannah and Barbara suddenly call out.

Constanze has the robot that provides stage lighting lower her and Jasminka to the ground. She gives everyone a thumbs up as Jasminka ushers all of the witches to the refreshment table for a quick break.

No one really understands why Arturia is eating more than half the food on the table so fast. It's not like anyone can compete with a Servant?! How can such a small body fit so much food?!

Mordred and Rider linger behind.

"So… our Masters have no idea, do they?" Mordred asks.

Rider sighs. It is so reminiscent of a certain ace of Luna Nova. Not that Mordred would know.

"No, they have no idea that they are actually on three separate teams."

"How'd those idiots mess up that bad?"

"Most likely a mistake in the summoning. Even a single word can have such a profound effect."

Mordred grimaces. "You're one of those magic users, aren't you?"

Rider raises an eyebrow. She does not like the disdain this knight is showing her. "And what of it?"

Mordred scoffs, but it isn't aimed at Rider. "Hey! That's _my_ food!"

Mordred leaps toward the table and engages in a war against Arturia for who can eat more food. It leaves none of the witches anything to eat. But it's far more amusing to watch father and son have an eating contest than sating their own hunger.

Rider frowns. "Why does it feel like I am dealing with another Amanda…?"

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

Honestly, this all started after we both saw Ticcy's commission for ZhaneX_C (the one with Saber!Diana and Rin!Akko). And then we started talking about how hilarious it'd be if Arturia and Mordred were summoned on the same team and have to cooperate. And then I mentioned how I would love a Servant!Diana. And well… now we're here.

The colors portion of the summoning chant _totally_ don't mean anything important. Nope, not at all… lol…

* * *

 **Fun Fact:**

Diana, Akko, and Rider!Diana's parts are written by Tomato while Amanda, Mordred, and Arturia's parts are written by Peanut-Butter-Bandit (aka idunscrewedup).


	2. IT DOTH CONTINUES

**Summary:** A continuation with the Appleton boys! Where Frank summons Santa Claus, Andrew summons Akko, and Louis summons a Mad Dog.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

YA'LL THOUGHT IT WAS OVER HAHAHAHAHA.

Bandit revived this little piece of strangeness so here ya go. Damn this is fun.

* * *

 **IT DOTH CONTINUES**

Meanwhile, in Appleton: A trio of boys are also attempting a summoning of their own.

Louis groans. "I can't believe I agreed to this. I blame you for this, Hanbridge. You know how much trouble we'll be in if we get caught."

Of all people, no one would expect Louis to take part in a summoning of Heroic Spirits. Andrew is believable, and even Frank is possible. But Louis? His involvement is unexpected to say the least. But upon hearing this competition will let him have a fair rematch with a certain Amanda O'Neil, in fun of course, he jumped at the chance.

"You're the one who agreed to this," Andrew replies. He stands up after checking that the summoning circles are in place.

"Can this even work?" Louis wonders. He eyes the circles with disdain.

"Lotte passed me the instructions when I saw her Saturday. Apparently even non-magic users can take part in this war. Something about how our bodies are just the connecting forces that anchors the Heroic Spirits to this world. Not really sure about the details; it was confusion." Frank hands the others a sheet of paper. "They've got colors on them because it's a copy of the girls' but we should stick to it just in case."

Louis takes the piece of paper Frank hands him. "Huh. Why am I green?"

Andrew sighs. "Does it really matter? The importance is to get this over with to comply with the markings we received on our hands." He raises his right hand and shows the others the red Command Seals that adorn the back of his hand, just like the other two boys.

"You're just not complaining because you got the color you wanted. What's with you and the color red anyway?"

Frank perks up. "Say, doesn't a certain witch from Luna Nova have red eyes?"

"… Let's just get this over with," Andrew grumbles.

The boys take a deep breath and begin simultaneously,

" _Let silver and steel be the essence._

 _Let stone and the archduke of contracts be the foundation_

 _Let *all shout their color*, the colour I pay tribute to_

 _Let rise a wall against the wind that shall fall_

 _Let the four cardinal gates close._

 _Let the three-forked road from the crown reaching unto the Kingdom rotate._

 _I hereby declare._

 _Your body shall serve under me._

 _My fate shall be your sword._

 _Submit to the beckoning of the Holy Grail_

 _If you will submit to this will and this reason…Then answer!_

 _An oath shall be sworn here!_

 _I shall attain all virtues of all of Heaven._

 _I shall have dominion over all evils of all of Hell!_

 _From the Seventh Heaven, attended to by three greet words of power,_

 _Come forth from the ring of restraints,_

 _Protector of the Holy Balance!"_

A great wind picks up, full of sparks of magical energy, causing the hairs on the back of their necks to rise. Within three maelstroms, the magic begins to coalesce. It takes shape, and finally the wind retreats. Instead of circles of chalk, now there are three shapes, one kneeling before each boy. Two figures of black - one male and one female - and one young girl of white.

"What… what is this?"

To say the summoning surprises them is an understatement. They cannot keep their eyes off of the figures kneeling before them.

In particular, the girl who jumps to her feet in front of Andrew.

"I'm Ka- wait, I guess that's not right in this case, huh? I guess you can call me Archer. Man, that's such a weird name. But yes; Servant Archer at your service!" The girl narrows her bright ruby eyes. "Wait… USO! Andrew?"

Andrew's mouth flaps open and closed. "Atsuko… Kagari…? And what is with that ridiculously short skirt? That is even worse than your school uniform!"

Archer's face flushes. "It's supposed to be cute! Wait, were you always a pervert?"

The foreboding and terrifying figure in front of Louis roars, something which might have resembled "Berserker" but is too loud and garbled to be coherent.

"Wh-Whoa!" Louis falls back onto his ass in fright. "Wha-WHAT IS THIS THING?!"

Archer blinks at the dark shadowy figure glaring at the third Servant. "Oh, that's a Berserker. Isn't that your Servant? Hey, it's you again! I haven't seen you in years!"

"What the hell is going on?!" Louis cries.

In complete contrast to the dark figure of Berserker, the figure in front of Frank is short and smelled of pine. The faint sound of jingling bells chimes in his ears when the summoning winds fade.

"Santa?" Frank sounds ten years younger.

Archer's eyes light up. "SANTA CLAUS?!"

Andrew slaps his face. "Now I've seen it all."

"Are you my reindeer?" a distinctly feminine voice asks the blonde boy.

"Um," Frank responds eloquently.

The figure stands and continues, "If you're not my reindeer, I'll have to kill you." She hefts a bag of presents menacingly.

(Where did that come from?)

"I'm your reindeer," Frank is quick to say. "Yep, your reindeer, that's me!"

"Good, let's go deliver presents to all our enemies. Oh, some of them are already here," Santa looks around.

As if Berserker was waiting for the word "enemy," he spins to face Santa and screams, "ARTHURRRRRRRR!" He begins a charge.

"Wait, Arthur?! There's no Arthur here!" Louis cries.

Andrew's eyes widen. He whirls from Berserker to Santa Claus. "Unless…"

Berserker's finally in range of Santa and brings his hands down. Santa deflects them and moves back, keeping Frank behind her.

Frank asks Louis, "Is yours trying to start a _slap fight_?"

"How the heck should I know what's going on?! I thought we were on the same side!"

Archer tilts her head. "No? Didn't you summon each of us into different teams?"

"Teams?" the three boys echo.

"Yeah? I'm on the red team because that's how Andrew specified it in his aria. What about you, Santa?"

Santa responds, "I am the blue team, though I believe red would have made more sense. Either way we will deliver the most presents!" She's still fending off Berserker's slaps.

"And I used the color green…" Louis' face pales even further. "So that means… we have to kill each other?!"

Berserker chimes in, like a demented parrot, "Gr-eeen," and then renews his attacks. "ARTHURRRR!"

"Did Lotte Jansson say anything about the logistics of the war?" Andrew asks Frank.

"No, not particularly. Just that we," he motions to the three of them, "are one team and the girls are the other. We're fighting for the Holy Grail which isn't the same one that was destroyed before." He says under his breath, "Apparently."

"Wait, that's not right. If you were supposed to fight as one team, you wouldn't have added in the colors," Archer says.

Santa remarks, seemingly content to fend off Berserker's impotent attacks, "I agree, that's not right. I'm definitely here to deliver presents."

Frank doesn't know how to respond to that, so he answers Archer. "The girls all added in the colors, we used the same arias."

Archer's face pales. "Wait, everyone's in this war too? So that means… wait, who are the other Masters?"

"It appears that yo- pardon, Atsuko Kagari, Diana, and Amanda O'Neil are the Masters from Luna Nova. They have already finished their summonings. We do not know who the other Masters are," Andrew replies. "Why are you so alarmed?"

"Lotte didn't say they had any issues," Frank interjects. He is partially distracted by Santa and Berserker exchanging rapid slaps.

"Well, no. Except that Atsuko Kagari apparently summoned a future Diana in a similar way to how I summoned an older version of Atsuko Kagari. How is that even possible?"

Archer crosses her arms, some of her worry dissipating for the moment. "You don't think I can become a Heroic Spirit?"

"It's just… surprising, is all."

Archer sighs. "The rules of the Holy Grail War say that only one Master and Servant pair get to have the Grail in the end. And to get to only one pair…"

"The most logical thing is to eliminate the other competitors in the war." Andrew's eyes widen as he understands the implications. "It means we have to kill the others to win."

"Wait, I didn't sign up for that!" Frank says.

Santa adds, "My reindeer and I will win by delivering the best and most presents." She shoves Berserker back some so the pair is further away from Frank and then resumes their duel.

"I just wanted a rematch with that O'Neil!" Louis cries. He's been trying to somehow get Berserker to calm down this entire time. Of course, he's been failing.

A vein is about to pop in Andrew's head just like those typical anime cliches. "At least calm your Servant! In any case, we were supposed to work together in this war in the first place! If the girls can somehow make this work despite the circumstances, then so can we!"

"How am I supposed to make a rabid monster stop?!" Louis shouts.

"Try telling him 'no' and 'bad dog' really firmly?" Frank suggests.

"IS MY SERVANT A DOG?!"

Andrew taps the back of his hand. "Command seals, Louis."

"Oh, right." Louis faces the dueling Servants with his hand stretched out. "By the command of your Master, I order you to cease this futile skirmish, Berserker!"

The red seals on the back of Louis' hand glow for a moment. One of the markings disappears as the order is given.

A low groan of "Arthurrrrr." Is heard, but Berserker retreats. He goes back to Louis and collapses at his feet, crossing his arms petulantly like a small child.

Santa steps slightly forward and Frank breaks her out of fight mode, "Santa, no."

"Now then, a proper introduction would be appreciated," Andrew demands. "We know who my Servant is. Frank, Louis, what about yours? I'm assuming… Santa is a Saber class because of her sword. But then again, I don't see Atsu- Archer's bow anywhere."

Archer materializes a golden bow of seven stars in her hand. "I don't have to always keep holding it, you know? It gets in the way."

"If only your outfit allowed you pockets," Andrew mumbles.

"Hey, Santa, are you just Santa?" Frank asks his servant.

Santa looks at him, "Who else would Santa be? And for your information, I am a Rider class. With my trusty reindeer and sleigh we will win any gift-giving contest!"

Andrew sighs. "Why… am I not surprised?"

Louis looks down at the stewing black Servant in front of him. "I don't know if I can ask this guy for his identity. But he kept screaming 'Arthur' for some reason… That has to be a clue."

"ARTHURRRRR?!" Berserker begins to stand.

"DOWN, BERSERKER!" Louis orders with a firm voice, not a Command Seal.

Berserker hesitates, but finally settles back into his earlier position, "Lan," he groans, "Sell lot."

"Lan sells a lot?" Archer repeats with a tilt of her head.

Andrew's eyes widen. "No you- Lancelot! Sir Lancelot du Lac! The Knight of the Lake! One of the Knights of the Round Table."

Without visible eyes it was hard to tell where Berserker, or Lancelot, was looking, but his head turns in Andrew's direction, "Arthurrr."

"Then Santa Claus is actually King Arthur?" Archer scratches her cheek. "But King Arthur is a girl? I'm confused."

"I'm not this King," Santa strikes a pose with her bag, "I am Santa. You will respect me."

Frank shrugs, "She's Santa."

Archer nods. "Santa Claus it is. Do I get a present?"

Andrew balks. "That is your priority?"

Santa draws a sword, also from nothingness, "You get your present if you beat me!"

Frank throws a worried look between the two. "I don't think-"

Archer blinks. And then just shrugs, drawing her bow. "Okay!"

"Atsuko Kagari you have not changed _at all_ ," Andrew bemoans.

"SANTA NO," Frank shouts, as she moves forward. "WE ARE ON THE SAME TEAM!"

Louis sighs. He pats Lancelot on the head. "Guess we have to be the ones to send a status report to the witches."

When Louis' hand retreats, Lancelot turns and grabs it, placing it on his shoulder.

"Um…"

Then he stands up, leveraging Louis onto his back.

"WHA-?!" Louis cries out.

Lancelot takes him away from Santa and Archer, which is quickly turning into a real fight. There's no way Appleton will be able to survive this. The boys have already long given up trying to keep this hidden from their witch-hating school.

They're doomed.

"Louis! Write to the girls!" Andrew yells across from the battle. "As much as I hate to admit it, SEND HELP!"

"If I cannnnnn!"

Frank shouts to Andrew, "Can you call Archer off?"

"No, Reindeer, if this little girl wants her Christmas present," Santa blocks a bolt from Archer with her bag, "She must beat me!"

"It isn't even Christmas!" Andrew protests.

"Silly Andrew! It's always time for presents!" Archer grunts as she evades Santa's heavy bag of presents.

Santa finally summons her sleigh, "Come, Reindeer, sit in safety. I'm about to use my Noble Phantasm!" She is breathing hard, her bag has multiple holes in it and she has taken a few hits directly.

Archer exhales sharply with a grin on her face. "I'll definitely win… and get my presents!"

"Excalibur …!" Santa draws the word out, raising her black sword.

"Noctu Orfei…" Archer gathers energy into her right hand, pulling back the string of the bow to ready her attack. A particular glint shines in her eyes as she aims her Noble Phantasm at Santa. "… Aude Fraetor!"

The door to the room slams open, revealing the principal of Appleton Academy and a few other students.

"What in the world is going on?!"

"Sir, I can explain!" Andrew tries to no avail.

"Um, Andrew?" Frank gulps. "I think we're too late."

"Mo-" Santa is distracted by the appearance of more people.

(I don't have that many presents.)

"Shinyyyyyyyy… ARCCCCCC!"

Santa gets caught in the beam of light. Frank goes to his knees as she pulls enough mana to survive the blow. Although the attack is only aimed at Santa, the impact radius decimates the entire room and covers half the school in rubble and dust.

As the smoke clears, only the two Masters and Servants are still conscious.

Archer huffs, letting her bow disappear after expending so much magic. "Ah, I might have overdone it…"

"You think?!" Andrew roars, popping out from underneath a slab of wall. He nearly keels over from the dizziness of having his mana drained.

"I never thought you would do it! I would have still given you a present if you'd lost. That was a good fight." Santa digs in her bag, "You look like you would like…" she holds up a stuffed Andrew, "this!"

"WHY IS IT ME?!" Andrew cries.

Archer's eyes sparkle with happiness. "Oh that's so cute! Andrew your head is so big! It's just like you!"

"?!"

"I always have the perfect gift for everyone in my bag!" Santa states proudly.

The sleigh disappears revealing Frank laying on the ground behind it, "Let's not do that again for awhile, okay Santa?"

Archer scratches her cheek with a sheepish smile. "Sorry…"

"Why do you always cause trouble at this school?" Andrew sighs. "First with an enchanted suit of armor, and now you destroy half of the campus entirely." But then he directs a small, unexpected smile at his Servant. "I suppose you will never change, Atsuko Kagari. That is rather reassuring."

Santa turns away from the pair and looks at the opening, listening for something.

A crackle, like lightning, sounds and red sparks fly as an armored knight appears in the destroyed room.

"ARTHURRRRRRRR!"

Andrew and Frank's mouths fall open. As if the world isn't already falling apart enough.

"NOW WHAT?!"

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

Oh man even the boys are fucked LOL.

There will be another chapter up tomorrow. I still have to proofread it and stuff. Bandit says hi!

To summarize, we now have the Servants:

 **Master:** Frank

 **Servant True Name:** Arturia Pendragon

 **Servant Class:** Rider

 **Team:** Blue

 **Master:** Andrew Hanbridge

 **Servant True Name:** Atsuko Kagari

 **Servant Class:** Archer

 **Team:** Red

 **Master:** Louis Blackwell

 **Servant True Name:** Lancelot

 **Servant Class:** Berserker

 **Team:** Green

This just got a whole lot crazier. Is this AU now a crossover? Not really? Woops?

* * *

 **Fun Fact:**

The Andrew, Archer!Akko, and Louis parts are written by Tomato while the Lancelot, Santa, and Frank parts are written by Bandit.


	3. Why Are There So Many Doubles? !

**Summary:** Our main competitors meet. Mordred finds out there are two dads, Andrew isn't happy to see another Diana, Diana doesn't know why Akko is here, and Frank passes out.

 **Author's Notes:**

Man we cranked out _a lot_ LOL. This is actually written the same day as chapter 2 was written. I just... didn't have the time to go over it these past few days lol. But here you guys go!

* * *

 **Why Are There So Many Doubles?!**

" _ARTHURRRRRRRR!"_

 _Andrew and Frank's mouths fall open. They're just so tired._

" _NOW WHAT?!"_

To everyone's surprise, the figure turns back around to the new entryway, helmet falling as they do, "Take that, I'm faster than you, old man!"

Another figure appears, nearly identical to Santa but wearing a blue dress with armored parts. She crosses her arms over her chest and does not respond, instead looking at the others in the open area. She makes a rather magnificent figure with the setting sun as a backdrop.

Santa meets her eyes.

Mordred notices Santa.

Before anyone can move from their places, Amanda zooms in on a broom, landing in front of Mordred. "STOP!" she shouts, huffing and holding her hands up.

Diana and Akko follow in from behind. Diana's eyes widen. "Is that…?"

"That's ME?!" Akko shouts. "How come I didn't grow as much as Diana did?!"

"Diana… did?" Archer asks.

"And that's also me?" Arturia says.

"Wait, that's _also_ King Arthur?!" Akko looks from Arturia to Santa, then to Diana. "Wow, you guys really are perfect for each other. Look at how many versions of yourselves there are!"

Santa responds, before anyone gets any ideas, "No, I'm _Santa_." Like that explained everything.

Ignored by everyone but Amanda, Mordred breathes, " _Two dads_?"

"This is _not_ normal, Atsuko Kagari!" Andrew shouts from the ground.

Diana stares at the tattered remains of his clothes. "My, I can't say I'm displeased by your current appearance."

"Diana, I hardly think this is the time-"

Andrew yelps as Rider!Diana materializes herself next to him. "Hm, I have to agree with my other self. The look suits you, Andrew Hanbridge. Oh my, I have never heard you make that noise before."

Andrew sputters indignantly before turning to Akko and shouting, "You really did summon another version of Diana?! And why is she so tall?!"

"Is that really the point? What in the world happened here?" Amanda demands.

Rider hums. "This looks to be the aftermath of a Noble Phantasm." She asks Santa and Archer, "Were you two fighting?"

"I can't just give away Christmas presents," Santa says, "So Archer had to beat me to prove that she deserved one."

Rider raises an eyebrow. "And did she win?"

Frank groans from the ground, "Yes."

Archer holds up the Andrew plushie. "Look at my present! Isn't he adorable?!"

Amanda cackles as Rider and Diana share identical expressions of disdain.

"Is that supposed to be Hanbridge?!" Amanda chortles. "Oh man, you got the details right down to the last bit!"

Mordred joins Amanda laughing, in solidarity with his master.

Diana shakes her head. "In any case, we should repair the damage before we proceed with our meeting. Honestly Akko, do you have no restraint?"

"I wanted my present!" Archer replies at the same time the actual Akko says, "I didn't do this!"

"Where is the other pair?" Mordred asks, realizing something.

"Ah, Louis was dragged off by his Servant to who knows where," Andrew replies.

"Are there no casters here? They're good for clean-up," Mordred says.

Rider raises her staff and says, " _ **Yera Retoure**_!"

Rubble and concrete mold back together, reforming the school and the room that they are supposed to be standing in within seconds. While such a restoration spell would eat up a great deal of energy and take more time for the average witch, Rider completes the process without breaking a sweat or pulling too much mana from her Master.

Amanda blinks. "Damn Diana, guess you're still perfect even after all those years."

Santa goes around to the people revealed by the rubble with her bag, and their injuries seem to fade. She can be heard humming Christmas songs.

"So that is… Santa Claus?" Diana asks.

"The one and only!" Santa proclaims. Frank was sitting up but after the further expenditure of mana, he lays down again, "Oh, Reindeer are you okay?" Santa goes to fuss over him.

Andrew points to Arturia. "And that's King Arthur. Well, a female King Arthur?"

Out of everyone, Mordred responds, "Yes, my father."

Amanda starts to sense a pattern.

Frank sits up with Santa's help. "So… Mordred then?"

"You're familiar with me?" Mordred's eyes widen.

"You could be twins," Frank mumbles. He is cross-eyed, completely unused to exerting any mana. Then he faints in Santa's arms.

Santa sighs, "I will take care of you, my Reindeer."

Andrew pinches the bridge of his nose. "Then we have Sir Lancelot with Louis and…" he glares at the two future witches. "Older versions of Diana and Atsuko Kagari. How did we end up in this mess?"

"You did not have to summon a Servant of your own," Rider states. "You could have simply left the markings on your hand alone."

Andrew crosses his arms over his chest. "It sounded like it was necessary to perform a summoning from Lotte Jansson's letter. In case we are still hunted as potential Masters."

Mordred speaks up, "While you do not _have_ to summon a Servant if you are a Master, it is very true that a Master with no servant is an easy and tempting target. Especially for those such as Assassin."

Amanda turns, "Wait a what now?"

"The Assassin class specializes in… well, assassination," Rider explains. "Although they are considered the weakest in terms of combat ability, they will still be impossible for normal humans to survive against. It is difficult to pinpoint them if they lurk in the shadows."

"And with the way this war is set up, there will be three of them," Mordred says.

"So we really did mess up," Akko groans.

"I'd expect that from Amanda and me, but from Diana too?" Archer wonders.

Amanda glares at Akko, "I had no part in this mess; it wasn't my idea to use our team colors."

"Why are you glaring at me?! I didn't say it!" Akko sputters.

"You're just easy to glare at," Amanda says, "I can't very well glare at Lotte from here. She said it wouldn't make a difference."

Arturia claps her hands to get their attention, "Blame will do us no good now. As it is, we may stay divided in the intended teams if you are set on that. It might also be to our benefit if all six masters joined forces to take out the unintended participants."

"Unintended what now?" Akko asks.

"With three teams and seven classes there are 21 participants in this grail war," Arturia explains.

Amanda splutters, "Wait there are seven classes, what are the other two?"

"Caster and Lancer," Rider answers. "Casters are typically well-versed in magecraft while Lancers utilize spears or… well, lances."

"I mentioned Caster earlier but no one listens to me," Mordred complains quietly to no one in particular.

"So who else is 'supposed' to be on our teams then?" Akko asks.

Mordred shrugs and takes over answering, "If you don't already know then you can't know until we run into them. Usually teams are decided beforehand."

"What if Assassin gets them?" Amanda asks.

"Then we have less competition." An unsettling reminder of exactly who Mordred was.

"The other Servants should not be taken lightly either," Rider chimes in. "Just because they are not of the Assassin class, it does not mean they - or their Masters - will not resort to those types of tactics."

Andrew finally finishes processing the new information and says, "As much as I hate to admit it, it seems we will be needing your assistance if we are to stay alive in this war. Since neither Frank, Louis, nor I can use magic."

Mordred grins, "I've been on worse teams."

Rider judges the players on the field that she can see. Her eyes linger on Archer for a second with a pained expression before she says, "Then let us commence our temporary alliance in this war."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

So everyone meets and we have a coherent team that wasn't supposed to be a thing. Everything is so spontaneous, just like Bandit and I XD

* * *

 **Fun Fact (courtesy of Bandit this time):**

Mordred's perfect Christmas is something Santa can't find in her bag. And he's not gonna get it xD (for at least awhile; I want him to get it eventually).

Bandit likes to make his favs suffer~


	4. Interlude: To Be Worthy

**Summary:** Two Masters conspire to get a father and son to communicate. It somehow involves them stranded in a land that should no longer exist.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

Happy birthday, Bandit! This was entirely written by Tomato. Bandit had no idea I was planning this. Bwahaha.

I tried my best with Arturia and Mordred's characterizations. I even read some of the _Fate/Apocrypha_ light novel to understand his character better. I was a bit put off by the constant use of female pronouns in the narrative, but the storyline is told _a lot_ better than whatever happened in the anime.

This _can_ be a direct continuation to the previous chapters. Or you can put this ahead of whatever we'll have out in the future. Yes, we _do_ have future content planned. It's just not a priority as we have other stories and responsibilities to prioritize.

I am sad to admit that this is not beta'd because I wrote this _really_ last minute. As in, I finished this at 1:30 AM, I have not showered yet, and I have to wake up at 6:30 AM. Yikes.

I also moved this story over to the crossover section. By now it's less of an AU and an AU and crossover type of thing… Woops.

* * *

 **To Be Worthy**

Amanda O'Neil finds Diana Cavendish at the first location she looks. Although the Ace of Luna Nova is a busy girl who's constantly helping others around the campus, she is also a student just like the other young girls attending the school. She's just one of the rare ones who uses the library on a constant basis.

Diana notices Amanda approaching but doesn't look up from her studying. She only reacts with a twitch of her eyebrow when Amanda pulls out the chair across from her and sits down.

"Hey. Your Servant around?"

"She is, as she should be," Diana replies without looking at Amanda. "We are supposed to keep our Servants in their Spirit Form to prevent attracting attention."

"Yeah, but Mor- Saber asked for regular clothes. Can't really blame him; I'd go crazy if I had to stay as a ghost all day too."

Diana stops herself from pinching the bridge of her nose. "Is there something you need?"

Amanda glances around to search for the armor-clad Servant. It doesn't take long for her to remember that Servants can dematerialize to hide from the public.

"I need to talk to you about something." Amanda leans in closer. "Alone."

Diana prepares to retort, only to stop herself and think over the reasons why Amanda would suggest such privacy. She makes up her mind.

Via their mental link, Diana says, " _Saber, could you give Amanda and I a few minutes?"_

" _Are you sure, Diana?"_ Arturia replies.

Diana's eyes flit from an empty space beside her back to Amanda's impatient scowl.

" _Yes, it shouldn't take long. Please take this time to patrol the campus. I will notify you through our mental link if I require immediate assistance."_

" _Very well."_

Diana feels her Servant leave the premises. Once she is certain that Arturia is no longer present, Diana allows herself to speak freely by addressing the possible reason Amanda wanted to speak to her.

"What did you need to speak to me about? I assume it has something to do with my Servant if you are requesting privacy."

"Yeah, about that. We need to get your Servant and mine to talk."

Diana raises an eyebrow. "You are suggesting two people… discuss their problems like civilized people?"

"Hey, I wanted to say have them fight out their issues. But I'm pretty sure this school isn't strong enough to stand against that kind of battle."

Diana scowls. "Yes. A confrontation between two Servants of the highest quality would most likely result in a catastrophe of devastating levels. I would like Luna Nova to remain intact for me to graduate."

"So if we want to keep everything within a fifty kilometer radius alive and whole, there's only one way for them to resolve whatever issues they've got going on." Amanda's expression softens. "Say, you know what happened between King Arthur and his son, right?"

"I do have some basic knowledge of Arthurian legend. Though, I have not heard the story from Saber herself. Did you ask your Servant?"

"Nah. Well, it eventually came to it. It all started off as a weird dream I had. Saber… of Green - bleh, that's still weird to add - anyway, that guy said it's common for Masters and their Servants to share memories through their dreams. I guess I happened to get the one memory about him telling the king that he's his - her? - legitimate son and… it kind of happened from there."

Diana closes her book. "Mordred, the Knight of Betrayal. If I remember correctly, he is the reason for the fall of Camelot and the Knights of the Round Table after dealing a fatal wound to King Arthur. A rare villain who managed to tarnish a glorious legend at the end of his life. He is seen in history as the antagonist who deceived the legendary King of Knights, whose name remains carved in Britain even in modern times."

Amanda slams her hands down on the table. "Only because that Arthur didn't recognize him as a legitimate heir! Even though Mordred proved his loyalty, the king never reciprocated the effort!"

Amanda blanches as the rest of the library turns their attention toward her and Diana after her outburst. From the corner, the librarian rises to come reprimand her for disrupting the other students.

Diana makes sure the older woman can see her shake her head. Her calm demeanor convinces the others to return to their business and ignore what just happened.

"As I was saying, Mordred is remembered as the betrayer of King Arthur, the one who brought an end to King Arthur's reign. But that is only how he is remembered in legend. Mordred himself did not write that legend. It is inevitable that there will be inaccuracies."

"Diana…"

Diana sighs. "I am not foolish enough to allow bias to base my judgment. I too have caught glimpses of King Arthur's memories. Mordred… has come up in some of them."

"And?"

"Of course, they are from my Saber's perspective. But I can form my own opinions based on what I know."

"That King Arthur was a jerk of a dad?"

"That the two of them have quite some issues to resolve." Diana turns away and mutters to herself, "What does it mean to be an ideal king, I wonder?"

"Huh? Did you say something?'

Diana shakes her head. "Nothing. In any case, I am not sure if we should meddle in their personal affairs."

"Look at it this way. If they keep acting like this, there's no way we can actually break away from the factions we actually made and work together. Those two will kill each other before we can even fight the others. So if we both want to stay in this war and make sure Akko doesn't die on her own, we gotta fix this ourselves. And what better time than now, right?"

Diana stoic expression flickers for a moment. "What do you mean?"

"Normally those two would've died just like anyone else and never got the chance to fix their shit. They shouldn't even be able to meet each other again."

"But this is not a normal situation. Is that what you mean?"

Amanda nods. "Yeah. Somehow, our luck is so bad that we managed to summon them both into the same situation. Even if it's just for this weird war and they forget about this at the end of it, I think we should try to get them to like each other."

"And how do you propose to do that?"

Amanda groans. "Ahhh, that's why I came to you for help! I wouldn't come to you if I didn't have any idea what to do at all!"

Diana sighs. "As expected of you. Only Akko can rival your stubbornness. Then, what do you need me to do? You already suggested they talk about this without violence."

"Can you… act as a counseling mediator?"

"I can see why you haven't made any progress if _that_ is one of your ideas."

"Hey! At least I'm trying here! You look like you don't care about your Servant at all."

"We have other worries to prioritize. Have you forgotten that we are technically in a battle to the death with complete strangers, as well as each other?"

"You don't have to make it sound that serious…" Amanda grumbles, even though she knows Diana is right.

"In any case, I will not have time to take part in your schemes. I have an errand I must run for Headmistress Holbrooke."

"Then why didn't you say so earlier?!"

The librarian slams her hands on the table. "That is it!"

As the old woman storms their way, Diana places her fingers under her chin as an idea begins to formulate.

"Amanda, I will ask the headmistress if you and our Servants can accompany us instead."

"Huh? What does that have to do with-?"

"AMANDA O'NEIL!" the librarian roars.

"Oh damn it."

* * *

Amanda groans for the ten time in the last five minutes. "So why are we here again?"

"Fafnir the Dragon requested for one of the witches at Luna Nova to run an errand for him," Diana explains. "Of course, the school will be accommodated and paid handsomely for the job. Headmistress Holbrooke tasked me to speak to the dragon as I am more familiar with communicating with him. She then asked me to pick an escort, though did not specify who."

" _So basically, those old witches are too scared to do the jobs themselves and have to ask a student?"_ Mordred cackles through Amanda's mind-link. " _You witches are lot different from the magic users I've come across!"_

Amanda scowls. "No, why are _we_ \- as in me and Saber… of Green - here?"

Diana arches an eyebrow. "I asked if you wished to accompany me and you agreed. This choice was entirely your own."

"I said yes because you said we're going to Camelot." Amanda throws her hands in the air. "And where are we now?! The middle of nowhere!"

"Camelot's exact locations are unknown, even to this day. Only its possible locations were recorded down in history. As we do not have anymore information of this transaction other than the fact that the buyer will be 'waiting in Camelot,' there is not much we can do but try multiple broad locations," Diana says.

"Don't we have two people who _came from Camelot_?" Amanda points to the two Sabers. "Why don't we just ask them?"

"While it is true that Camelot is my home," Arturia looks up at the sky, "for some reason I cannot connect my memory of its location to these modern times."

"Could it possibly be the Grail's influence on the spirits that it summons?" Diana asks.

"Possibly. It could be an attempt to lessen the Servants' affect on the modern world."

"How about you, Saber?" Amanda asks her Servant.

Mordred scowls. "It's just as Father said. The harder I try to pinpoint where to go, the more my head starts to hurt. This mental interfere is repulsive."

"So then what? We're supposed to walk around randomly until we find the castle?" Amanda asks.

"Thankfully, no." Diana pulls out a small piece of paper and reads, "Fafnir's correspondence informed us to 'travel to the Forest of Imíonn' and await him at the heart of the forest."

"Forest of Imíonn? Never heard of that place as a possible location for Camelot." Amanda squints in an attempt to look past the thick forestry. "Heck, is there even a castle in this place?"

"There may be magic involved to cloak the true location from the world," Arturia says. "I feel some resistance the further we journey into the heart of this forest, most likely due to a sorcery of the highest level."

" _I feel it as well, though not as much as Father does,"_ Mordred confirms through Amanda's mental link. " _I hate admitting it, but his Magic Resistance is a rank above mine."_

" _Shouldn't be a problem, right?"_

" _No. Divine mysteries and spells along that level will be the only types of magic which can harm us. And that doesn't seem highly possible in your community."_

" _What's that supposed to mean?"_ Amanda snorts derisively. " _Bet I can come up with something to knock you or your dad off your high horses."_

" _You'd probably have more luck sticking to your swordsmanship practice."_

Amanda swears she can imagine Mordred smirking even within this mental conversation.

" _It's just a fact of this world,"_ Mordred continues. " _If all they're teaching kids at this age are spells like the ones you have been learning, then there's no way the adults can come close to Divine Magic. Even Father's Master can't compare. And she's supposed to be a prodigy in this community? She's impressive, but I've seen better."_

Amanda barely keeps herself from chortling out loud. " _Can you tell that straight to Diana's face? Maybe that'll actually hurt her pride a bit. Wait, do you know magic?"_

Amanda feels a chill run down her spine. She doesn't need to look over to know that Mordred's mood has turned a one-eighty.

" _Uh, okay, bad topic. That's okay!"_

" _Sorry. It's… a sore subject,"_ Mordred grumbles.

" _You sure got a lot on your plate."_

Mordred scowls. " _You can say that."_

Ahead of them, Arturia frowns as the suffocating feeling continues to grow in intensity. "Diana, are you certain that this Fafnir can be trusted?"

"Is something wrong?"

"The deeper we venture into this forest, the more my instincts tell me to turn back before walking into the unknown." Arturia narrows her eyes. "I can't explain it, but the air feels… familiar, yet toxic at the same time."

"Perhaps we truly are nearing the fabled Camelot, and the toxicity is the magic which hides it?"

"That's plausible. But-"

Arturia's form begins to shimmer right before Diana's eyes. The young woman's voice distorts as well.

"Saber!" Diana steps forward and thrusts her hand forward to grab Arturia's hand. Her own fingers pass right through the armor.

When Diana looks back up, her Servant has vanished.

The world darkens. It isn't that it simply has turned from day to night. Even though the skies have turned pitch black, a strange red hue illuminating from the forest and the air itself acts as a source of visibility. However, the color is nowhere near the brightness of Chariot's hair.

Diana can't help but think that it reminds her of drowning in blood.

"Diana!"

Amanda's voice pulls her thoughts back to the present. When she looks back, she can only find Amanda and not her Servant.

"What's going on?! Mordred suddenly vanished!" Amanda shouts. "Where's your Saber?"

Diana reaches toward her sash and pulls out her wand. "Most likely where yours is. I can't contact her through our mental link."

Amanda shakes her head as she pulls out her own wand. "Me neither. Something's blocking us."

Diana turns over the back of her hand. "Our Command Seals are still intact, meaning both our Sabers are still alive. Could this be some sort of reality distortion spell?"

"So this thing took us but not the two who have Magic Resistance?"

"Perhaps. But maybe not. Even my Saber is not invulnerable to all types of magic."

"So this is Divine Magic?"

"Most likely not. According to Saber of Blue, spells greater than a three count can also affect her despite her Magic Resistance. If the aria used to evoke this distortion was intricately set up…"

"Then there's a chance those two got pulled in too? Then where are they?"

Diana tenses as she senses multiple magical signatures closing in around them. "I don't know. But it does not look like we have the luxury to worry about that right now."

* * *

Arturia's fingers wrap around air. Her Master disappears right before her eyes, leaving her alone in the forest.

Well, not truly alone.

"She disappeared?" Mordred mutters. He looks over and finds Diana missing as well. "Well, this situation escalated quickly."

Excalibur covered by its Invisible Air forms in Arturia's hands. Mordred does likewise with his Clarent.

"What-?"

Before Mordred can inquire further, Arturia takes off deeper into the forest without saying a word.

Mordred growls. "Typical. Even as Servants you refuse to acknowledge me?!"

With no other choice, Mordred pursues Arturia and follows her to wherever she's going. As they continue running, even Mordred starts to feel the uncomfortable press of magic upon his person. On instinct, he activate his helmet to cover his face.

Mordred easily catches up and lingers a few paces behind and to the side of the other Saber. Arturia increases her speed once she knows he has caught up. Although Arturia says nothing to acknowledge his presence, her altering pace is almost a reminder of their times as Knights of the Round Table.

Mordred glances toward Arturia. The King of Knights does not bat an eyelash as they continue deeper into the forest. But Mordred has served under this king long enough to notice the small twitch in her facial expressions and recognize the effects of whatever magic pervades this area.

The two break out into a clearing. They skid to a stop and stand on guard, their swords held up and ready for any sneak attacks.

The sight that awaits them has them lowering them weapons just a bit. Though their common sense forces their instincts to stay on guard.

"This is…" Mordred mumbles.

"Camelot…?" Arturia finishes with a barely audible voice.

The forest opens up to a large castle with towering stone walls. The sky above the castle is a clear bright blue. The sun's soft glow envelopes the entire structure, creating a halo-like effect that reminds Mordred of Excalibur's brilliant shine.

The portcullis creaks open, revealing a young man with light blonde hair tied in a similar fashion to Arturia's. His armor clacks as he walks forward to greet the two standing away from the entrance.

The man first bows then says, "Welcome back, my King, Sir Mordred. You will find that Camelot has been well guarded since your absence."

Arturia cannot find the words to speak. This man in front of her is supposed to be dead. Not that she saw his death for herself, but that it has been countless centuries since he was last living. Yet he stands in front of her no older than when she gave him his last task right before her death.

Mordred manages to swallow past the surprise and speak, "Bedivere… How are you alive?"

The man frowns. "Of course I am alive. Did you expect the castle to have been attacked in your absence? Or perhaps you believed we would fall without the king?"

"No-" Mordred growls. "That's not what I meant. It-"

"Welcome back, Your Majesty," greets another man behind Bedivere. His build is broader than Bedivere's, with more iron plating covering his body. His short blonde hair is darker than all three of the blondes in the area.

Mordred gapes. "Gawain is alive too? At this rate the whole Round Table is probably all here."

"Hm?" Gawain's smile falls. "Of course we're all here. Where else would we be? Someone has to protect this castle while you and the King perform your business."

"This is… truly Camelot?" Arturia finally speaks.

Bedivere looks at his king with concern. "Of course. Where else would this be, Your Majesty?"

Arturia shakes her head. "Camelot should have fallen to ruin, nothing left but mysteries for history to tell. This is the modern world; none of us should be alive."

"Camelot was located on a hill," Mordred adds. He whirls around and points into the dense greenery, "We're in the middle of forest! There's no way-!"

Except they are no longer flanked by tall trees nor a murky sky. The circle of light from before has encompassed the entire world with its shine and clear skies. Arturia and Mordred are also no longer standing on the forest floor, but a cobblestone bridge leading up to the barbican where Bedivere and Gawain emerged.

"…We're on a hill…" Mordred mutters. "Great. Magic is _great_."

Bedivere and Gawain look to each other with worried expressions.

"Perhaps they are tired," Bedivere muses. "It must have been a long journey for the both of you. Though, I'm afraid rest will have to wait for you, Your Majesty. There are a few pressing matters for your immediate attention."

Mordred turns to Arturia. And for the first time, Arturia meets Mordred's gaze as well. It does help that he has the helmet on.

"Go do your duty as king," Mordred says. "I'll take a look around while you appraise from _your_ seat."

Arturia chooses not to comment on Mordred's acidic tone. She only nods and follows Bedivere into the castle, leaving Mordred and Gawain at the gates.

"What seems to be troubling you and the king?" Gawain asks. "Did something happen?"

Mordred appraises the castle from top to bottom. A sense of nostalgia strikes him in the chest along with a burning flame of hatred. The longer he stares, the harder it becomes to quell the feelings threatening to erupt.

Cold, perfect teal eyes stare down at him. The resounding voice of his father - no, the King of Britain - rejects him and his existence as a worthy successor to the throne. Those eyes say he is not even significant enough to stand by her side, let alone take the seat that she currently holds.

Mordred turns away from Gawain. "Nothing. Nothing happened at all."

He stalks into the castle, the sound of his own armor blocking out Gawain's moving form and the rest of the world.

* * *

"For a fake, this place is built rather well," Mordred appraises out loud.

As Arturia does whatever she needs to do as king, Mordred takes the time to survey the castle and note any similarities and differences to the original they came from. So far, he has found no discrepancies to his own memories of the stronghold.

It's almost as if he never died.

Mordred pauses as a man with long dark hair rounds the corner into the corridor. The other man appears to be deep in thought. Numerous emotions wage war in a matter of seconds. Those brief seconds allow Mordred only a glimpse and recognize a few.

Namely, pain and anger.

The man looks up once he notices Mordred standing in the middle of the walkway. His emotions are quickly hidden behind a mask of calm. But Mordred remembers that Lancelot was never one to hide his secrets perfectly. Not like the king at least.

"Ah, Mordred. I see you have returned," Lancelot says.

Mordred nods but says nothing.

"The king has returned. I see…" Lancelot continues past Mordred, mumbling to himself along the way.

Mordred frowns.

(What does this world mean for us?)

Arturia's Pendragon's wish is to change the Selection of the King so that she would never become king, thus ensuring that Britain would not fall under her rule. Similarly, Mordred wishes for a chance to pull Caliburn from the stone and prove that he has the qualities to rule as a king. His wish is not simply to become king, but rather demonstrate his worth at the very beginning.

But this situation is one that fulfills neither of their desires. King Arthur is still the king of Britain, Mordred is still a member of the Round Table hiding his true identity from the others, and the Selection of the King has passed. At this rate, the events leading up to the fall of Britain will still occur. Tristan's departure, Lancelot's affair, the reveal of the affair, the conversation with Morgan, Mordred's rejection, and finally the Battle of Camlann; all of this will - or has - come to pass.

Mordred clenches his armored fist.

(What kind of sick joke is this…?!)

Whoever is manipulating time and space is dangling an opportunity to change their fates over their heads. The mastermind grins and goads them to take the chance; to simply trust this unknown entity who has orchestrated this situation entirely for them.

But there are too many unknowns. How does this magic work? What happens if they use their knowledge to change the course of events? In fact, what is this situation in the first place? An illusion? Time travel? An alternate world? Is this even real?

All Mordred knows is that everything feels _too_ real. The stone, the architecture, the rooms, the people; it all makes Mordred believe he has truly returned to the Camelot of his time.

Sometimes, the truest realities are the illusions. The real world is not so perfect.

A mist obscurs his eyes. Mordred blinks to clear his vision. Yet the murkiness refuses to fade. Despite the clear skies and shining sun, Mordred's eyes feel more opaque than before.

His mind starts to blur. The only thing that stands out is a barely noticeable buzzing noise resounding in the back of his consciousness.

* * *

Arturia hates to admit how easy it is to settle back into her position as king. Whether this is reality or illusion, Arturia will always pull up her mask and resume her role as the ideal king if necessary.

A king serves its people. And if its people needed her, then she would oblige no matter the circumstance.

She finds it harder to believe that all of this is an illusion. From Bedivere's mannerisms to the state of her country, it all seems as if she was transported back in time before the Fall of Britain. At this rate, she is more inclined to believe this magic somehow transported her back in time to her body during life with her present memories as a Heroic Spirit and Servant under Diana Cavendish intact.

Bedivere interrupts Arturia's thoughts. "What are your orders, Your Majesty?"

No matter what this is, it seems that the people of Britain needed its leader. Arturia chooses to fill that position, just as she resolved to pull Caliburn from the stone all those years ago.

"Send a few soldiers to scout the area. Have Gawain lead the group…"

A mist obscurs her eyes. No matter how much she rubs her eyes, the murkiness refuses to fade.

Her mind begins to blur. A strange buzzing noise is the only thing that stays with her as her other memories fade into the mist.

* * *

Agravain reveals the affair between Lancelot and Guinevere. Arturia orders her own wife's execution. Lancelot attempts to save her, only to fail and kill many knights in the process - including Gawain's siblings. The once ideal knight flees, thus darkening the stain on King Arthur's legend.

A few nights later, it is not Bedivere who finds Arturia on one of the ramparts, but Mordred.

Mordred keeps his distance from the quiet king. He continues to keep the helmet on even after revealing his true identity to Arturia.

The reveal and its following events were a lot less shocking than the both of them thought it would be. Almost as if it had transpired once before.

Mordred tries to remember where they were before returning. His mind draws a blank.

"Why did you allow Lancelot to escape?" Mordred finally asks.

Arturia says nothing.

"The one who exposed him, that Agravain. He is a spy for a different liege." Mordred pauses, waiting for Arturia's reaction. When none comes, he continues, "Does the name 'Morgan le Fay' sound familiar to you?"

Again, Arturia stays silent. But in the stillness of the night, Mordred notices the slight tenseness of Arturia's shoulders.

Only now, alone and above all on this starlit night, does Mordred shed his helmet and reveal his face.

"Do you still reject me, Father?" Mordred clenches his teeth. "Answer me!"

"The cogs of fate cannot so easily be changed," Arturia finally replies. "We have both forgotten what needs to be remembered. Yet, you continue to cling to a dream that cannot come true. You are truly unfit to be king."

Mordred clenches his fist. "Then what of you? Will you continue to cling to perfection despite the distrust of your own subjects?"

"What other ruler can the people rely on if not the ideal king? You? Naive, inexperienced, and so easily manipulated by your own emotions?"

"'Inexperienced' you say? Then the only way for me to prove to you my worth is if I defeat you? Is that what you want to say."

Still Arturia does not turn around. "No. Defeating me will not change the fact that you are not ready to be king. It will only mean that _I_ am not fit to rule. It does nothing to prove your worth."

Mordred unclenches his fist. "Then there is only one thing left for me to do." A fire of rage lights within Mordred's eyes. "I'll destroy it. I'll destroy it all! I'll tear down this perfect kingdom that you sought so hard to build! I'll destroy everything that you represent!"

Arturia straightens and turns her back on her raging son. She gives him no reply, leaving him alone with thoughts of fury swirling in his mind. Not even the cool air of the night can calm his rate.

Compared to Mordred, all Arturia can feel is a numb sense of confusion and doubt warring in her mind.

The strange buzzing noise continues to bother the both of them.

* * *

One. Ten. Hundreds. Mordred loses count of how many soldiers he has cut down. Yet he still hasn't encountered the one person he is looking for.

"King Arthur! Where is the King of Knights?!" Mordred roars. He takes deep inhales and leans against Clarent, the exhaustion finally catching up to him.

A presence behind him causes him to whirl around. Standing on top of the hill of corpses is the king herself shrouded in shadow. Despite the death and blood on and surrounding her, the king is as radiant as ever; all the way until the very end.

"Well, what now?!" Mordred holds up his arms and gestures to the destruction around him. "This is the end of your kingdom, King Arthur! Face the consequence for not recognizing me as king!"

Arturia does not reply. Instead, she takes Excalibur with both her hands and raises the sword in front of her on guard.

Mordred clicks his tongue. "Is it hate? Do you hate me that much? You hate me because I was born to a witch?! Answer me, Arthur!"

Mordred charges forward and swings his sword. Arturia meets him with a clash. With a stronger stance and conviction, Mordred disarms Arturia and sends her sword airborne. It embeds in the mound of dirt too far for Arturia to reach.

The buzzing noise resumes in their minds, louder than before.

"I have never hated you," Arturia says.

"Eh?"

Rather than leave herself unguarded and attempt to retake the blade, Arturia reaches to her side and arms herself with her lance. "If you wish to know why I didn't give you the throne…"

She pushes past the annoying noise, resolving herself to fate and readying her stance.

Mordred prepares a guard. But Arturia charges too fast for him to react and counter properly in time.

 _It was because you do not have the capacity to become king._

Those words are left unspoken. Yet both Arturia and Mordred knew they would leave the king's lips as soon as that lance struck through Mordred's armor. It would be King Arthur's final words to the Knight of Betrayal.

The buzzing noise becomes a static that is impossible to ignore.

The unexpected intrusion causes Arturia to pull back her strike. The lance's tip barely stabs through Mordred's armor but misses hitting his actual body.

Mordred stares at Arturia in shock. Arturia herself looks confused as to why she stopped as well.

The buzzing finally becomes so audible that the two step back and hold their hands to their head. But there is no headache, just a strange static that refuses to abate.

"What is…?" the two mutter.

For the first time since they found themselves repeating this cycle, Arturia and Mordred ignore the world to listen to the internal noise that pervades their subconsciousness. Time will continue regardless of their wishes. But for now, it is just the two of them on that hill as they try to solve a problem they never knew they had.

The static remains incomprehensible at first. But as they concentrate, Arturia and Mordred start to piece together voices barely audible past the white noise. At first it is nothing but low, incomprehensible mumblings.

However, even if they cannot understand the words that are trying to become clear through the buzzing, they begin to recognize a sense of familiarity from the voices speaking through their minds. They cannot recall from where, but they have certainly heard them before.

For Arturia, she hears the voice of a young girl barely older than herself. It is the voice of a girl with similar responsibilities to her own. A young girl with heavy responsibilities too much for someone of her age. Despite the level of calm that the girl tries to exude, Arturia can recognize a sliver of worry that breaks past the girl's facade.

The voice Mordred hears does not try to hide her concern. Rather, this voice shouts so many obscenities that Mordred wonders how he didn't understand any of this sooner. It's less structured sentences and more swearing than anything. This is the voice of a rash, young girl with confidence that can only rival Mordred's.

Arturia and Mordred suck in deep breaths as memories break through the haze in their minds. More memories with the voices that they are barely starting to recognize.

Arturia remembers conversing with the young girl she calls her Master. Drinking tea together, they had been discussing the responsibilities of a king and leader. The other girl had listened attentively as Arturia explained her own beliefs and the qualities that make an ideal king.

The girl had then placed down her cup and said-

"■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■"

Arturia clenches the side of her head. At the same time, Mordred does the same as he tries to listen past the static to understand what the girl is trying to say in her own memory.

It slowly begins to clear. When it does, they can only stare at each other with wide eyes in silence.

" _An ideal king is all of those qualities you have stated. But the best king is not always the perfect king,"_ Diana Cavendish once said. " _Perhaps the leader we need is one who possesses the compassion and foresight to recognize what truly matters."_

" _You thought your dad was perfect?"_ Amanda snorts. " _Psh. I thought Diana was perfect and look at her now. Look, what I'm trying to say is that maybe you need to look at him - uh, her? Whatever. Anyway, look at King Arthur in a different way. Don't look at him as the perfect, ideal king who rejected you. Look at him as the father who doesn't know how to talk to his kid because he sucks at human interaction. Because that's all it really is. He might know how to be the perfect king. But that doesn't mean he knows how to be the perfect_ human _."_

"What are we doing?" Arturia asks.

Mordred groans. "Gaaahhh. How much time did we waste in this stupid illusion?"

The two look toward the sun shining behind Arturia. Now that their minds are clear and they are no longer fixated on each other, they can see a giant column towering over the world. As the monument becomes clearer, the world around them begins to fade and change into an empty space of dark purple. Gone are the corpses, weapons, hills, and blood. All that remains are the two knights and that giant pillar within this world of purple.

Upon further inspection, the two realize that off-putting feeling crawling up and down their spines is the gaze of hundreds of eyes embedded in the pillar. Each of the eyes are located on the red part of the red and black strands that wind around to form the pillar like a licorice.

Mordred grins. " _Finally_ something clear for me to cut down." He hefts his sword onto his shoulder. "It already looks more challenging than those soldiers you sent against me. Fighting them a second time only made it seem even more boring."

Arturia narrows her eyes as she analyzes its structure. "That entire pillar is made out of magic. A condensation of multiple magic signatures. Magic along the lines of that from the Age of Gods? No, but it is too dense for Excalibur to strike down on its own."

Mordred points to Clarent. "Then how about two? I say it's better than that sword of yours, but I'm not stupid enough to think Clarent can blow that thing away on its own. At least, without killing my Master."

"How is your Master in terms of magic capacity?"

"She's not like yours. That Diana Cavendish might not look like she can kill anything, but I can't deny that her magic signature is more impressive than any of the other witches we've seen. It still can't compare to Morgan, but that's probably a good thing. But mine still has a decent amount in her. Using Clarent won't kill her."

"Hopefully. This might even endanger my Master if we are to eliminate it immediately." Arturia steps forward. "We have wasted enough time within this illusion. I cannot say how long it has been in the real world, but our Masters have waited for us long enough."

"Then let's get this-"

" _ **MORDRED! MORDRED, STUPID KNIGHT OF STUPID!**_ **HELLO** _ **?**_ "

" _Who are you calling stupid, kid?!"_ Mordred growls back in their newly repaired mental link.

" _Oh hey, you're alive. Geez, I've been trying to get to you for hours. Days? I kind of lost count."_

Mordred notes the exhaustion clear in Amanda's voice. " _Hey, just hang in there for a little longer. We'll blow the source of this idiocy away and return everything to normal."_

" _Yeah, yeah you do that. I'm ready to nap…"_

" _You might actually after this."_ Mordred readies Clarent. " _Brace yourself, Master. This is going to consume a lot of magic energy."_

" _What did I say about calling me that? Just call me Amanda. I'm not some aristocrat or anything."_

Mordred grins. " _Right."_

While Mordred converses with Amanda, Arturia and Diana also have their own conversation through their restored mental link.

" _I will inform you of the details later,"_ Diana says. " _I would assume you have plenty to tell me as well. What do you need to do?"_

" _Destroy the Demon Pillar that has manifested in front of us. I believe it is the source of the illusion we are trapped in."_

" _And you require your Noble Phantasm to do so?"_

" _Both mine and Mordred's. Unfortunately, we will most likely need to take quite a bit of magic energy from our Masters for us to destroy the monster in one hit."_

" _It doesn't matter. Do whatever needs to be done to end this."_ Diana sighs. " _I will need to report this to Headmistress Holbrooke once we return. For now, I place my trust in you, Saber."_

Arturia reaches Excalibur and pulls the sword from the ground. Standing side by side with Mordred, the two pour magical energy into their blades and raise it above their heads.

Surrounding Excalibur is a brilliant flash of golden light. On the other hand, red lightning crackles around Clarent as the latches touching the sword near the hilt open up. Gold and red shoot out from their blades and into the heavens."

"Ex-!"

"Clarent Blood-!"

Although they cannot see their Masters directly, the two Servants can clearly picture the grins on both their faces.

Together, Diana and Amanda's voices shout, " _Blast it away, Saber!"_

"-CALIBUR!"

"-ARTHUR!"

Arturia and Mordred bring their swords down, releasing the beams of gold and red from their blades. As it shoots toward the Demon Pillar, the gold and red energies merge together in a spiral and strike against the giant structure like a massive drill of condensed, magical energy. It completely obliterates the monster, tearing it apart all the way down to its last atom. The energy is even strong enough to tear through the heavens and the false world they are trapped in.

The purple facade shatters, taking them back to the Forest of Imíonn.

Mordred huffs and rests his sword on his shoulder. "Phew. That was a good one."

Two thuds echo across the forest behind them. Arturia and Mordred look back to see both their Masters collapsed on the ground unconscious. Not only that, but their clothes are in complete disarray. Dirt, blood, and various other grime cover them from head to toe. Even Diana's usually immaculate hair is out of place.

"Huh. Thought my Master would've been stronger than that," Mordred muses.

Arturia sighs. It is a long way back to Luna Nova.

* * *

"So let me get this straight. You and Diana left Luna Nova to help run an errand. But it turned out to be a trap and you guys were stuck in a separate reality for a _week_?!" Akko shouts.

Diana grimaces and grips her head. "Please lower your voice, Akko. I can barely think straight."

"For once, I gotta agree with her," Amanda says. Nevertheless, her headache doesn't stop her from scarfing down the rest of her lunch. Infirmary lunch is disgusting, but she's too hungry to care.

Rider of Red glances at the other two Servants currently eating their third plate of food. "Did you two end up resolving whatever issues you had?"

"Huh?" Mordred looks up with a mouthful of food. "Wha ishoos?"

"Nothing has been resolved because nothing _needed_ to be resolved," Arturia states. She takes another bowl of rice.

Rider of Red sighs. "In the end, this elaborate scheme to have the two Sabers interact accomplished nothing."

"Wait, you _knew_ about this?!" Amanda yells.

Rider of Red lifts an eyebrow. "Of course. Why do you think the Headmistress did not ask me or my Master to go with you four? I was specifically told to stay behind."

"I didn't say anything," Akko says when Amanda looks at her.

Amanda then turns to Diana. " _You_ told your future self what we were planning to do?"

"I figured the less interference the better," Diana says. "Though if I knew the errand would be a trap I would not have declined the extra help."

"Well, Fafnir did not know that his friend was being possessed by the lingering spirit of a descendant of Morgan le Fay. We cannot blame Fafnir for the misfortune you four went through."

"Still though, I'm glad you guys are alright," Akko sighs.

"You know, I was expecting the bitch twins to be here suffocating Diana with their worrywart selves," Amanda says. "Where are those two anyway?"

Diana pinches the bridge of her nose. "How many times must I tell you not to call Hannah and Barbara those deprecating names?"

"I'm going to keep calling them that until they stop acting like one."

"You know, she does have a point," Mordred says. "Even kids have to be disciplined."

"These girls are older than you," Arturia comments offhandedly.

"They're older than you as well, Fatherrrrr!"

Rider of Red rolls her eyes while Akko sweat drops.

"I kind of had Sucy and Lotte stay with them and hold them back," Akko says. "I'm surprised they've held on for this long. I really owe them one-"

The infirmary doors burst open. A blur whirls past Akko, knocking her off her chair and onto the ground.

"Diana! We were so worried!"

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?!"

"Diana Cavendish in the infirmary. This has never happened before!"

"Except that time in our first year when she had that horrible fever-"

"Girls, I believe we are never speaking of that incident again," Diana states. "And I am fine."

"No you're not! You're in a _hospital gown_!"

"My gosh, it's so hideous!"

The two glare at Amanda. "And this is all your fault!"

"If you hadn't proposed that stupid idea in the first place-!"

"Technically Diana agreed to it too," Amanda says. But the two ignore her and continue listing their grievances.

Rider of Red huffs. Her lips pull up into a small smile as she looks upon everyone in the infirmary. From her own Master lying on the ground still dizzy from the impact, to Lotte running up to her and helping her up, to Sucy trailing behind at a slower pace, then to Hannah and Barbara arguing with Amanda as Diana struggles to keep her irritation in check, and finally at the two Sabers who are still eating without caring about the other witches.

(I am truly surrounded by idiots.)

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

I'm leaving the ending unresolved for Bandit to work on if he wants. I don't think it's fair to fix Arturia and Mordred's situation myself. But I _can_ start the path to reconciliation. Those two really do need to fix their issues if they want this cooperation to work.

If anyone wants me to write a followup that details whatever happened on Diana and Amanda's side while the Sabers were stuck in their illusion, just let me know. I don't have it in the first place because I barely had time to write this at all. But I can in the future if anyone would like XD Some more DiAmanda interaction never hurts anyone, right?

I tried my best to follow the _Fate_ characters' characterizations. I'm not a die-hard fan of Arthurian legend as Bandit, so please bear with me LOL

* * *

 **Fun Fact:**

Unlike so many users who have at least an Arturia, I am one of those people who do not have either an Arturia or a Mordred. My strongest and only leveled Saber is Nero Claudius whose Noble Phantasm is an AoE Arts type. The only Arturia I have is Santa Claus (so Rider!Arturia Pendragon Alter).

I have wanted Altera (aka Attila the Hun) since first using Quill's back in July but she _continues to elude me_ to this day, almost a year later. _Fine_. At least I have her younger sister, Brynhildr HAHAHAHA.

Okay, I'll stop complaining about my FGO stuff. I'm sorry it's 1:30 AM LMFAO I need to sleep…


	5. What's Worse Than a Rapist?

**Summary:** After a rude awakening, a few Servants go shopping and destroy Blytonbury.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

What's worse than a rapist...?

*removes cover to reveal the word "child" above "rapist"*

 _*gasps*_ "A Child!"

"No!"

(No actual rape described, nor anything explicit. Sexual assault implied off-screen.)

Also, that was Bandit's AN. Time for Tomato's.

I am _so_ sorry for the late update. I finally took my GRE two days ago and then was too tired to proofread right after, so I had to use yesterday to do that. Honestly this has been written for a few months but I needed to make sure I liked everything before including it.

Anyway, here's another note before we get to the actual chapter:

Tomato asked Bandit how crappy it'd be if Lotte and Sucy got Command Seals. Then Bandit said, "What if everyone else got them too?" and Tomato said, "SURE WHY TF NOT?"

Side note, we'll be referring to all of the Servants by their True Names in the narrative. The only exceptions are Rider of Red, Archer of Red, and Rider of Blue. The first two will be referring to as such because having two Dianas and two Akkos is confusing haha. I guess we could refer to the older Akko as 'Atsuko' but that doesn't solve the Diana problem. Meanwhile, Rider of Blue will just referred to as 'Santa' to distinguish from Arturia.

In dialogue, they refer to other Servants based on whatever situation. Though generally they'll use the class and team color. Privately, they just call by class.

Warnings: Mild violence. Despite the title of the chapter, no actual rape is described or performed. Only the intent to do so is implied. Also, of course, profanity.

* * *

 **What's Worse Than a Rapist...?**

Considering that they are all technically taking part in an actual war, Akko's reaction to Lotte's sudden scream by falling out of her bed in the morning is a good response in the case of danger. Now if she'd only regain cognitive functions faster.

Akko groans, still half-asleep and tangled in her bed sheets. "H-Huh? What's going on?"

Rider of Red materializes not a second later. "I sense no enemy signatures. Lotte, what's wrong?"

Lotte is sitting up in her bunk, staring at the back of her hand as if it isn't her own. She flicks it toward Rider of Red and Akko as if showing them will answer all their questions.

"THIS. _This_ is what's wrong!"

It answers their questions rather well.

"Y-You got them too?!" Akko shrieks. "But I thought all the Masters were already decided!"

"No, no one said the Masters were all set in stone," Rider of Red says. "Actually, there should be an Overseer for this war. Where are they?"

"Oh, you got them too?"

The other three turn to the fourth occupant of the room. Sucy also shows them the back of her hand. Just like Akko before, and now Lotte, a reddish bruise with a distinct pattern decorates the back of her hand.

"Sucy too?!" Akko groans. "Can this get any worse?!"

Rider of Red sighs. "I wish you wouldn't say that. The situation usually _does_ get worse once that happens."

"Guess that doesn't change no matter what time, huh?" Sucy asks.

"Truly." Rider of Red coughs into her fist. "In any case, we should inform the others about this new turn of events. Then we can decide whether you two will be summoning Servants of your own."

"Don't we have to now that we have these markings?" Lotte asks.

"As Saber of Green and I spoke of yesterday. You are not required to take part in the war even if you have been chosen by the Grail as a candidate." She points to the bruises on the back of their hands. "Those bruises indicate that you still have a chance to back out if you choose to. However, as Saber of Green mentioned, you are still targets even without Servants due to your status as candidates."

"Who's Saber of Green?" Akko interrupts.

"Mordred. It would be best to refer to Servants by their class and team color once we encounter enemies. Revealing one's True Name leaves us at a disadvantage because it reveals our identity and thus our legends, including our strengths and weaknesses."

"So you're… Rider of Red?"

"You're saying if Lotte and I summon Servants, we're 100% in this war and we'll be targeted as enemies," Sucy says, bringing the conversation back. "But if we don't summon anything, we'll still be hunted just because we were chosen."

"This cup better be worth it," Akko grumbles.

"It is supposedly an omnipotent wish-granting device. So yes, it should be," Rider of Red says. "And yes, that is how the situation is."

Lotte groans into her hands.

"On the bright side, you get to live a fantasy like all the books you've read," Sucy says.

Lotte shakes her head. "Belle never had to deal with anything like this! Arthur and Edgar aren't famous historical figures with unbelievable powers!"

"And now _you_ get to meet someone who is. That's pretty cool to me," Akko says.

"Your protection is guaranteed by your Servant so long as the two of you can cooperate," Rider of Red adds. "I am sure you will summon one befitting the role. Even without a catalyst, I am confident you will be able to find one who will devote their entire existence to someone as kind and sincere as yourself."

Lotte blushes. "That'd… that'd be nice."

"Wow. Guess Diana's charm goes up 300% the older she gets," Sucy says.

Akko places a hand on her chin. "What Servants _would_ you two summon? Someone nice like Lotte, and," Akko blanches, "someone devious like Sucy. Maybe this isn't a good idea."

"Let's discuss this with the others first," Rider of Red suggests.

The red team get ready for the day. The nice thing about this whole war is that the three teams are excused from classes to prepare. Even Appleton had to acknowledge three of their students participating in the war.

It seems Appleton Academy wants a _real_ holy grail to replace the fake one they were said to have housed.

When the group arrives in the cafeteria, their first course of action is to look for Diana and Amanda. They spot the blue team sitting at one of the tables. Hannah and Barbara are looking at their hands more than their food. Diana herself is trying to keep herself busy with her food, but makes it rather obvious that she is looking for someone - or rather, some people.

Diana's eyes catch the red team entering the dining hall and she waves them over rather urgently.

Diana starts speaking once the red team reaches the table, "Hannah and Barbara have-"

"They have command seals too?!" Akko interrupts with a shout loud enough to catch the attention of the dining hall.

Everyone glares at Akko to keep her voice down.

Diana shakes her head. "Yes." It takes her half a second to process the implications of what Akko just said. "Wait, did-" She looks at Lotte and Sucy, specifically toward the backs of their hands.

The trio nods. Lotte and Sucy even show the blue team the sigils on the backs of their hands.

"We didn't want to perform the summoning without checking with you all," Lotte says.

"Same here," Hannah says. "Except there's something weird with ours."

"Yeah. How come you two get different symbols but Hannah and I have the same one?"

"Wait wha-?"

Before anyone can say anything else, their attention is pulled away by a loud, rhythmic thumping from the hall. Arturia and Rider of Red materialize next to the girls, startling them for a bit. The thumping draws them away from their surprise and back to the hall. It is closer and now accompanied by clanking and hissing.

They wait with bated breath as a large shape appears in the doorway. As it come closer, they recognize it to be… a giant machine?

And in its hand-

"It's got Constanze!" Akko shouts.

Diana sighs. "Akko…"

The rest of the green team appears from behind the towering figure.

"What?" Amanda laughs, "No, this is Babbage. He wouldn't hurt Constanze!"

Even Jasminka seems to have her own companion. She directs the grumpy man wearing a chef's apron to the selection of food in the dining hall. The man blanches at what he sees.

The man snaps his head to Jasminka and says, "What kind of- I'm having a word with the chef. This is fucking terrible."

He stalks toward the kitchen and vanishes before anyone can comment on his poor language.

Rider of Red sighs while Arturia and the others stare mutely. Once the strange yet short scene passes from their minds, they direct their attentions back to each other.

"Wait, are those Servants?" Lotte asks, pointing to the giant machine Amanda called Babbage and after the missing man with a chef's hat.

"Yeah, that's why we were late getting here," Amanda says.

Three people facepalm.

"Amanda, what did I say about the importance of keeping our Servants dematerialized?" Diana berates. "It is to prevent attracting attention toward us. No one is supposed to know we are participating in the Holy Grail War. The other Servants might be able to blend in, but that machine certainly cannot!"

Amanda shrugs. "It's inconvenient so I told them they can do whatever they want."

"Your lack of understanding is as frustrating as always."

Lotte groans, "What are the authors doing now?"

"Well," Akko says, "I guess that decides it for us. If the new Master candidates want to summon their Servants they might as well."

All of those indicated look at their hands, contemplating the decision before them.

"Okay," Hannah and Barbara say at the same time and then look at each other.

Sucy smiles ominously. "Why not?"

Lotte shivers. "A Master with a Servant is safer than Master without a Servant, I guess."

"We'll set up the summoning circles after eating then," Diana declares.

Rider of Red and Arturia return to spirit form as the girls all sit down to eat.

"Hey, Amanda," Akko asks, "Where's Mo- I mean Saber of Green?"

"Oh, he's shopping," Amanda's attention is on the return of Jasminka's servant with a glorious looking pile of food.

"..." The red and blue teams look at Amanda in a mixture of shock and horror.

Diana is the first to find her voice, "Alone?"

"Oh." Amanda piles a plate up with eggs and another with pancakes, "No, he's gone with the boys. He and Archer of Red wanted clothes to blend in better."

Amanda pauses between buttering and adding syrup, "Well, technically, Andrew is insistent that Archer of Red gets more appropriate clothes and my Saber needs something to wear other than underthings or armor since he's insistent on staying manifested."

Diana gets up, grabs Akko and Amanda, and drags them toward the exit to head to town. "Lotte, you, Hannah, Barbara, and Sucy can do the summoning without us."

Akko sputters, "But this has nothing to do with me!"

"For once," Diana mutters under her breath and then responds, "I have a feeling that both of our Servants will be required."

"It's not a big deal," Amanda protests. "I d-" The painful tightening of Diana's hand around Amanda's wrist and the brief, hostile glare shut her up.

"Akko, would you and your Servant be willing to take Amanda? Servants can travel much faster than us. I assume Rider of Red's broom can carry an extra person better," Diana says.

Rider of Red nods. "You assume correctly." She holds her hand out and materializes a broom with an uncanny resemblance to the Shiny Balai. "Though there is no reason to ask. You are able to do so comfortably as you are now."

Amanda rolls her eyes but follows Akko behind Rider of Red. "Only in this case can you compliment yourself and not seem like a total weirdo. Still a narcissist though."

Rider of Red sighs. "Your competitiveness never changes."

"If you can carry me and Amanda fine, then how about-?" Akko turns to ask Diana what her plan is, only to see Arturia carrying her. "Okay then."

* * *

Meanwhile, Frank and Louis are starting to regret agreeing to go shopping with Andrew. The four Servants are currently incorporeal and Andrew is unhappily holding a shirt with a bunny on it.

Archer of Red may be in spirit form but she's running a constant commentary on the clothes around via the mental link. And she's very picky.

" _Atsu- Archer,"_ Andrew sighs internally, " _we've wasted enough time. Make your choice."_

" _Fine just go with the one to your right-"_ He reaches- " _Whoops, other right."_

Andrew grabs the specified article and begins to walk away.

" _Uh,"_ Archer of Red hesitates, " _Andrew I'll need underthings."_

Frank and Louis hold back snickers nearby as Andrew's face flushes and then drains entirely of blood within two seconds. They can already guess what necessities a young girl requires.

It is a blessing to have a berserk male and Santa Claus as Servants.

" _Just kidding,"_ Archer of Red laughs.

Andrew faints.

Louis and Frank realize they can't communicate with the other Servant as they wait for Andrew to reawaken.

"Louis, I think only Amanda can talk to her Servant when she's in spirit form," Frank says.

"Isn't Amanda's Servant a girl too?" Louis asks. "Is Andrew's Servant picking her clothes?"

Louis freezes as a shiver runs up his spine. Although he can't see the very malevolent spirit hovering over his shoulder, his instincts tell him that he has just made a _grave_ mistake.

Frank gives him a worried look. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know but I feel like I'm about to get scolded by my father for something I don't even know I did!"

"C-Calm down! Why do you want to cry?!"

"I'm telling you I don't know!"

Mordred debates the consequences of materializing to correct him when he hears Amanda faintly through their link.

" _Diana insisted we come immediately. I bet her my broom you didn't cause any trouble, so you better not have."_

That strictness is unlike his Master, so Mordred leaves the boys to meet her.

" _Diana's kind of a hard-ass. Both versions of her,"_ Amanda replies to Mordred's thought.

" _From what I've seen, I believe it. She's still not as bad as Father."_

" _Explains why Diana got her as her Servant based on what you've told me."_

Mordred meets the group at the edge of town. Rider of Red brings her broom down low enough for Akko and Amanda to jump off. Arturia and Diana follow shortly after.

"Well, at least the town's still in one piece," Akko says.

Amanda rolls her eyes. "I told ya nothing bad would happen."

Mordred materializes. "Of course it's in one piece. Who do you think I am?"

There are scandalized gasps.

"You can see abs," Akko says, dumbstruck. She's too surprised to notice how silent her own Servant is.

"Akko, your gay is showing," Amanda comments. "Actually, I guess your straight is showing. Useless bisexual."

"I love this jacket-" Mordred twirls. "Looks good, right?"

"I'm embarrassed to admit it suits you well," Diana says, speaking for herself and her Servant while covering her eyes.

"Great taste," Amanda agrees with a double thumbs up.

"So where are the others?" Arturia asks, ignoring Mordred completely by turning her head to the side to avoid looking at open skin.

Mordred shrugs. "They're still at it. That Archer sure knows how to push her Master's buttons."

Amanda smirks. "Let me guess, Hanbridge fainted?"

"Right in one, Master," Mordred smiles broadly.

Amanda scratches her head. "I still gotta get used to that…"

"You did… pay for those clothes, Mor- Saber?" Diana asks.

The bland look does not encourage her.

Diana pinches the bridge of her nose. "Amanda, have your Servant direct you to the store he… took those clothes from. Please pay for the bill."

"Huh? Why do I have to do something as annoying as that?"

Diana doesn't even have the decency to hold back an 'are you an idiot' look anymore.

"We might as well go together, if you want to reconnoitre the boys," Mordred says, "They're probably still in the shop."

Two blank looks.

"Inspect them," Diana supplies for Akko and Amanda. She sighs, "And yes, let's make sure they're not dismembered."

"They weren't when I left."

Mordred strolls casually back to the shop, pleased by the quiet exasperation he can sense. He ignores Akko behind him asking both Dianas why the younger Cavendish looks ready to throw a _Murowa_ at the sun.

Rider of Red must have convinced Akko to drop the subject and somehow calm her younger version with Arturia's help because they follow behind Mordred back to the shop. Akko rushes in when they get to it, Diana following close behind. Mordred and Amanda smirk at each other and wander off instead of going in.

Both of the other Servants notify their Masters of the pair's movements, but neither Master pays them much attention. The scene in the shop is much too distracting.

Andrew is passed out still, being clumsily tended to by his Servant and a frazzled salesperson. His Archer is wearing a bunny shirt and tiger striped yoga pants, tag still on.

Diana is suddenly even more thankful for the Luna Nova uniform if that is Akko's fashion sense. And if it's just how her fashion sense has changed over the years…

She reminds herself to find a way to prevent this development from ever occurring.

On the other hand, Frank is arguing rather loudly with Santa in the corner, made worse by her still being in spirit form. What few patrons remain cannot help but stare at the crazy boy yelling at empty space. The smarter customers have already escaped since the chaos first started.

Frank slaps a hand over his face. "Santa, I can be your reindeer without antlers. I don't even know where I could get antlers this time of year."

" _Reindeers work 365 days of the year, no exceptions,"_ Santa states.

"I thought they hibernated!"

" _Those are bears, Reindeer."_

"That doesn't- bears hibernate during winter! That's when Christmas is!"

" _No excuses."_

"Fine! I'll check Amazon when we get back to the dormitory!"

Meanwhile, Louis fiddles with a ouija board he found somewhere. He sits on the floor trying to get a yes/no answer from Mordred for articles of clothing. In his distraction, Lancelot materializes and walks toward the racks to try on dresses.

Akko puts her hands to her mouth and looks to Diana for her reaction.

The stillness is more worrisome than an outburst. A tic develops in Diana's right eye. Her Akko might not have had anything to do with this situation, but Diana just knows the other must.

"At least it probably can't get worse, right?" Akko tries to reassure Diana with a forced chuckle.

Diana turns to look at her in disbelief. Anyone with common sense knows that something _does_ get worse as soon as one says that. Dramatic irony is elementary knowledge!

Diana waits anxiously for the universe's response. When nothing happens, Diana glares at Akko for testing fate.

Just as soon as Diana refocuses on the problems in front of them, another comes through the window.

All Diana can do is gape at the man lying amidst the glass shards. He's older, not yet graying but wrinkled. A trenchcoat saves him from worse cuts, though he's not in good shape.

A look to the origins of the crash. Mordred stands outside, fangs bared and face twisted in rage.

Diana scowls at Akko.

"What did I do?!" Akko yells.

The man gets up, drawing Diana's attention again before she can retort. What surprises her isn't the fact that the man is still alive after apparently being thrown through the window by a Servant. Instead, it is the entrance of another character who Diana immediately _does not like_.

The aforementioned man fades into existence in front of the battered human. This man looks more like a clown than anything because of the gaudy colors of his ridiculous outfit. His bulging eyes and manic expression would supplement his ridiculous appearance if not for the dangerous aura he emits.

Diana comes to the conclusion that only a Servant would dare to dress this horrendously in public.

"O-oh." The roving eyes land upon Mordred. "Stop, Jeanne, my precious Jeanne D'Arc," he laments in a grating voice. "What shall I do if you kill my master and I am sent back to the throne of heroes, ending our reunion prematurely?"

Mordred's clenched fists go white and he vibrates with rage.

"And what are you wearing, dearest Jeanne?" He approaches Mordred, grabbing a robe off a rack and, whilst averting his eyes, attempts to wrap Mordred in it.

Taking advantage of the distraction, Mordred's now-armored fist connects with the servant's head and, as he is knocked back, the gauntlet disappears again. It's presence is so brief most people don't notice and those that do dismiss it.

Careless and impulsive as Mordred can be, there are too many witnesses to turn this into a Servant battle, at least while they are all still here.

Mordred turns to face most of the shoppers. "Please evacuate in a calm and orderly fashion."

Cue a mass exodus. They need not be told twice.

Diana catches his plan, aiding everyone in getting out while the enemy Servant recovers. That includes all of the boys; Frank has Santa quickly grab a stunned Amanda, who's lingering outside, while Archer of Red assists a now awake but groggy Andrew, Akko, and even Diana herself at Arturia's insistence.

" _Somehow I have a feeling you are familiar with this Servant,"_ Diana mentions to Arturia through their mental link.

" _Not at all. Though I cannot deny the repulsion I feel on instinct. Perhaps I met him in a different War."_

" _As difficult as it may be, please aid Saber of Green as much as you can."_

Diana understands that is harder than asking an average person to pull Caliburn from the stone. But she has no choice if she wants this town to live.

By the time the store empties, the strange Servant has regained his composure and holds out a spellbook. Mordred summons Clarent casually to his hand.

"I'm not this Jeanne you keep going on about," Mordred says, "But your Master tried to assault both my own Master and myself. You must understand how I can't let that go unaddressed."

"Woe is me!" the Servant cries. "I, Gilles De Rais, your most faithful; yet you would feign ignorance of yourself to deny me!" The hand not holding the book grasps the fabric of his shirt, over his heart. "My dear Jeanne!"

Mordred scoffs, "You're merely a scoundrel and not a pitiable one at that. I will kill your Master to satisfy his debt against my Master's honor. Defend him or do not, it makes no difference to me." Mordred remembers his first days as a Knight of the Round, and his ire at the attack on a girl's innocence is no less vivid than it was then, perhaps more so as Amanda is his Master.

Blurring, the fully armored Knight of Rebellion slides Clarent home in the Master's gut. It will be a painful death, and slow enough to give him the satisfaction of killing this demented Gilles as well.

The wail the Servant releases shatters the remaining windows and the mirrors in the shop.

"You would kill my Master and deny me even a glimpse of your beauteous visage! I am overcome with grief," Gilles says, collapsing to his knees. Still he holds the book aloft, "Come with me, dear Jeanne, let death not separate us again-" and summons monsters made of tentacles.

"I really hate Casters sometimes," Mordred mutters.

Mordred twists away to evade the oncoming sea fiends. He swings Clarent and cleanly cuts through a dozen tentacles in an instant.

That is when he notices something is wrong.

"Oh ho ho," Caster giggles. "Did you really think it would be so easy?"

For every creature Clarent splits in twain, their number seems to stay the same. Mordred roars in frustration and cuts a wide swath through the horde.

A familiar sound reaches his ears. Mordred knows without looking that Arturia has decided to join him. Mordred ignores the way his heart hammers in his chest and falls smoothly back into old habits as they stand together to fight.

The Caster cries out at her appearance, "Jeanne?"

At that moment, Arturia fells the last of the monsters between Mordred and Gilles. A flip, twirl, and slice later, the tip of Arturia's sword grazes Gilles' cheek.

But that is as far as it goes.

"What-?!" Arturia clenches her teeth as tentacles wrap around her limbs and torso, preventing her from finishing the blow.

"Che-" Mordred's rush forward is hindered by the appearance of more sea fiends.

"No matter how much you cut, no matter how much you slay, you cannot extinguish my creations!" Gilles howls. "Now, I suppose it is about time for the show to begin."

The townspeople's screams filter into the shop even as Mordred continues to cut through the sea fiends.

Arturia cuts into Diana's thoughts, " _Diana, what is happening in-?!"_

" _What_ are _these things?!"_

Gilles continues to cackle. "Enjoy the hysteria, my Jeannes!"

"What have you done, fiend?!" Arturia demands.

Gilles flashes her a smile. "Why don't you find out for yourself?"

The sea of tentacle monsters part, opening a clear path to Mordred.

"Huh? What-?"

Gilles commands the tentacles trapping Arturia to lift her into the air and chuck her straight toward Mordred with the strength of a barreling car. The unexpected action doesn't give Mordred enough time to react (to the sheer stupidity of the choice of attack) and Arturia collides with him hard enough to send the both of them flying out of the shop.

Arturia groans as they come to a stop outside. The pain is replaced by shock as she takes in the chaos that the town has fallen to.

Tentacles everywhere. Sea fiends wreaking havoc as far as her eyes can see. The townspeople cry and run in desperate fear. A few buildings are even on fire.

This has become a problem on an entirely different scale. But first…

"Father… You are… heavier than I remember…" Mordred wheezes from below her.

Arturia blinks. She moves off of Mordred without offering the knight a hand.

Not that Mordred needs her help. He stands on his own and rests Clarent on his shoulders as he surveys the damage.

"Geez, what are the rest of those guys doing-?"

" _MORDRED!"_ Amanda's call immediately draws his attention and he looks to where she should be, by Santa. Instead there's an impossibly large tentacle dragging her away by the leg while Santa is distracted with numerous smaller tentacle clusters attacking the others.

Cursing in his head, Mordred forgets about Arturia to save his Master. With one swing of Clarent, he slices Amanda free just before the tentacle turns a corner into the more open square. He carries her back to Santa, where she has summoned her sleigh to evacuate the Masters.

"Please take care of her, Santa."

The large tentacle begins to writhe and then continue snaking back towards its original destination. The disturbing sight draws everyone's attention briefly.

Arturia is already following it.

"I will," Santa calls after Mordred's back, as he chases the other Saber around the corner.

"That's big," Mordred says flatly as he joins Arturia in facing the eldritch monstrosity.

Gilles has somehow gotten to it while they had been distracted and the smaller creatures continuously add themselves to it until he can no longer be seen, swallowed up as the mess of tentacles consolidate themselves into one being.

It would be difficult to control the situation if it was just Arturia and Mordred. Thankfully, they are not the only Servants in the vicinity.

"That's putting it lightly," Archer of Red says in response to Mordred's comment. She and Rider of Red materialize by their sides.

"Where are the others?" Arturia asks the two.

"Santa's taking everyone she can to a safer place," Archer of Red answers. "Including our Masters."

"This is not something a normal human can fight against, whether they are witches or just civilians," Rider of Red says. She scrutinizes the giant monster, doing her best to ignore the annoying cackling and voice of the gloating man inside. "If that fiend absorbs human lives, it will be able to power itself even when the Master dies."

Mordred and Arturia nod.

"We will stop him here," Mordred declares. "Evacuating the civilians is a good start."

Arturia realizes- "Where is Berserker of Green?"

"Ah, we told Louis to have him destroy as many tentacle monsters as he can. It was the only way to keep that Berserker occupied and not charging for your head," Archer of Red replies.

"Now, do you have any idea what is happening?" Rider of Red asks the two Sabers.

"The Caster's nuts. He's inside that thing," Mordred says.

Rider of Red's eyes widen. "What kind of Servant is able to summon such an abomination?"

"Gilles de Rais, apparently."

"Wait, the creepy guy who served Joan of Arc and abducted and raped little boys?" Archer of Red asks. "I didn't know he was _this_ crazy!"

"More importantly, I was not aware he had such high capabilities as a spellcaster, nor that he was a practitioner of magic at all," Rider of Red remarks. "The sea fiends we destroyed continued to respawn no matter how we attacked it."

"It was the same for us," Arturia says. "If that is the case, there must be a single weak point to target to disable his magic."

"Wasn't he holding a spellbook?" Mordred notes. "That's a focal point for most spellcasters."

Rider of Red nods. "If not a wand, then yes a spellbook would be the next option."

"Okay-" Mordred looks at the creature's tough skin covering both Caster and spellbook- "How do we crack that sucker open to get to it?"

"My Shiny Arc maybe?" Archer of Red asks.

"It does little if it does not destroy the fiend entirely. Would it be able to destroy the monster all in one hit?" Arturia asks.

Archer of Red hums. "Maybe blow a giant hole in it, but not destroy all of it and leave nothing behind. It's possible that I can transport part of it to a different leyline, but I don't think that solves the problem."

Rider of Red shakes her head. "My Noble Phantasm is not suited for this task."

Mordred looks at Arturia, "You're thinking of an anti-fortress Noble Phantasm, aren't you?" He looks around at the town, despite the people fleeing there are still many stuck in the area, "We can't use one here, not with the peasants."

"Sometimes sacr-"

"YOU CAN'T JUST KEEP MAKING SACRIFICES!" Mordred shouts, and then continues at a more normal volume, "If you sacrifice what you're trying to save, then what's the point?"

Arturia's eyes widen and meet his. He's not talking just about this situation. She turns away from his judgemental stare.

Rider and Archer of Red share a glance, though Rider of Red immediately averts her gaze. Archer of Red frowns but doesn't say anything.

There is no time to worry about broken relationships.

Rider and Archer of Red turn away from one another as their respective Masters contact them mentally.

After a brief conversation, Rider of Red tells Arturia, "It seems most of the evacuation is finished. Your Master is requesting to speak to you."

"In the meantime, we should probably try to keep it back while you guys figure something out." Archer of Red materializes her Claiomh Solais. "Otherwise it's just going to reach where everyone's gone."

A roar echoes throughout the destroyed town. The gathered Servants turn to see a black mass jump from the ground and assault the giant tentacles.

"See?" Archer of Red points to the rampaging Lancelot. "He gets it! Oh hey Rider, can you give me a ride? I haven't figured out how to use the Shiny Rod in multiple forms at once yet."

Rider of Red sighs but summons her broom. "Then I will fly as you target the enemy."

"Oh! Just like when we were kids!"

Rider of Red grimaces. "Yes. I suppose that is true."

Archer of Red mounts behind Rider of Red. Once they're both situated, Rider of Red takes them into the air to help Lancelot keep the monster at bay.

Once they are gone, Arturia uses the chance to open her mental link with her Master.

" _Saber, how is the situation?"_ Diana asks.

" _Rider and Archer of Red, along with Berserker of Green, are keeping Caster occupied as we formulate a better plan."_ Arturia pauses. " _And the townspeople?"_

" _Per Mordred's request through Amanda, we've managed to transport most of them out of town, including Caster's Master. Akko accidentally tripped over him as we were escaping."_ Diana goes silent for a moment. " _All of them now, according to Rider of Blue."_

Arturia releases a strained breath. " _I see. In that case-"_

" _You have my permission to use your Noble Phantasm."_

Arturia's eyes widen. " _But the collateral damage-"_

" _Everyone we know of has been evacuated. And if it is true that we require an anti-fortress Noble Phantasm to defeat the Servant, then I do not see any harm in deploying it in an area that is already half demolished. Killing the Master will not stop Caster either; we have no idea how long he can stay in this world without an immediate magic supply. And if he stays long enough to swallow even a single life…"_

" _Then it will become even more difficult to defeat him."_ Arturia sighs.

" _Neither I nor the other Masters wish to take a life anyway. We can only rely on your Noble Phantasm to defeat Caster in one hit."_

" _You are certain there are no civilians left?"_

" _You have my word. I will take care of the repercussions after Caster has been defeated."_

Arturia tightens her grip on Excalibur. " _Very well. Have the Masters of Archer and Rider of Red and Berserker of Green order their Servants to retreat."_

"Hey, Saber of Blue," Mordred has been focused on the fight to hold back the fiend while guiding people to safety, aiding with his sword when necessary, "Are you and your Master finished with your little tête-à-tête? Got a plan?"

All trace of hesitation disappears from Arturia. This is no longer just a Heroic Spirit summoned into the Saber class. Mordred recognizes the person standing in front of him as the true King of Knights, the perfect ruler who he had once served under.

"Stand aside," Arturia orders. "I cannot guarantee that you will not be caught in the crossfires."

Her voice reaches all of the servants. Even Lancelot listens, the voice of his King temporarily overcoming the madness. All but Mordred go back to their Masters.

Mordred takes a stance behind her and to the left.

Arturia ignores him, though his presence brings her an odd kind of reassurance. Shaking that off, she hefts Excalibur, preparing.

As Arturia focuses, bubbles of light, representations of the people's faith in her, appear and begin to float. They collect around her sword like moths to a flame. Her eyes close as voices play through her mind; from knights swearing fealty to peasants' quiet hopes.

If her eyes had been open, she would have been able to watch many motes flow from Mordred, faith shattered but still true.

A bit of Mordred's initial awe of the king returns as she wields her Noble Phantasm; the gathering sparks solidify into a great beam of light from her sword, shooting up as if to slice apart the very sky.

Arturia's eyes open and the energy condenses sharply, "EX-" she strides forward; strength, grace, and perfection personified as she turns on her heel and brings the sword and its power down on the center of the wretched creature- "CALIBUUUUUUUUUUUR!"

For Gilles, it is as if the Gates of Heaven have opened wide as the attack punches through the creature. The roar of it is inconsequential to him, for in the light, he sees Jeanne as she was and would always be to him; the fair maiden whose Lord and convictions empower all who stand with her, whose loss broke his mind.

" _Jeanne_ …" Gilles reaches out towards the light as it consumes him.

Mordred observes as every trace of the monster is blasted away. Despite Arturia's assurance that her Noble Phantasm would destroy everything with one strike, he had lingered to lend his blade if necessary. The old feeling of triumph returns, one which he had shared many times in campaigns with this King.

Light and sound fade, leaving destruction as testament to the conflict. The King of Knights fades back into Arturia and Mordred dematerializes, rushing to Amanda.

" _That was_ INCREDIBLE _!"_ Amanda sends through their link, " _We could see that from Luna Nova."_

" _I know, Master."_

Arturia lingers a moment longer, looking at the damage she had wrought.

Today had been like any other time she'd fought beside one of her Knights. With the helm obscuring his identity, it was easier for Arturia to see Mordred as the Knight of the Round he had once been. Especially when he acts the part.

The king is reminded that before Mordred became the Knight of Treachery, he had been her foremost enforcer. Looking back she could see the adoration he had held for her, that of a small child to their… father.

Arturia clenches her hand around Excalibur before she and it fade back into spirit form. She leaves the ruined square to where Diana is. When she arrives she can only find the Servant version of her Master.

Rider of Red is pinching the bridge of her nose. "For the last time, I can _not_ produce a miracle as powerful as Excalibur!"

"But that beam was so cool! I didn't know Sabers could shoot beams!"

"They are not _supposed_ to. Heaven knows what is wrong with the Heroic Spirits placed in the Throne of Heroes."

"Aren't you also a Servant?" Louis points out. He keeps his hand on Lancelot's helmet to keep his Servant calm.

"Yes and I consider myself quite the anomaly."

Unable to locate Diana, Arturia connects through their mental link to speak to her at once. " _Diana, where are you?"_

" _Speaking with the mayor and the professors who have just arrived,"_ Diana replies instantly. " _That was a brilliant display, by the way."_

" _I wish it had not been necessary. There is quite a mess."_

" _That…"_ Arturia hears Diana sigh. " _As I said before, I will take care of the rest. It seems Hannah and the others have summoned their Servants and are making their way towards Akko's group. Hannah and Barbara's Servant in particular wishes to speak to you."_

(… Servant… not plural?) " _They have the same-?"_

"Akko!" Lotte calls.

Akko whirls around. "Lotte! Sucy! Hey! Oh, are those your Servants?"

"The summoning wasn't a problem," Lotte says. "I hope you guys don't mind that we told them who your Servants are. Just so we know who our allies are."

"Our Caster seems to want to meet Diana and Amanda's Sabers though," Barbara says.

"Huh? Why-?"

Amanda winces. "Wow, Mor- Saber sounds _pissed_." (That's a lot of cussing.)

" _Diana, I request to stay in astral form at all times from now on."_

" … _May I ask why?"_

To the side, Santa's eyes widen and she quickly dematerializes herself before the mentioned Caster can see her.

Mordred and Arturia answer to their respective Masters simultaneously:

" _I refuse to speak to-"_

" _I refuse to associate with-"_

Diana and Amanda cringe at the sudden hostility.

" **That man** _."_

Caster of Blue waves jauntily with a bright smile.

"Are King Arthur and Mordred here?"

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

Bandit here this time! (Unless Tomato changes this :P) So… we have a lot of plans and ideas for this fic, apparently. That's one of the anonymous Master/Servant pairs down. This chapter and the next are basically "poor Arturia and Mordred."

Feel free to guess the Servants. (And good luck, because this story is still _definitely_ crack.)

Crack taken seriously, with plot of all things. We are serious writers who can make up our mind XD (Tomato here!)

* * *

 **Fun Fact (still Bandit):**

I was super surprised by the Birthday fic, by the way! (And I loved it :D) Tomato is super sneaky LOL. I may or may not be trying to give it a proper place in the story...

(You guys know how long this chapter has been sitting in the Google drive based on this fun fact LOL)


	6. Are Things Better or Worse?

**Summary:** We see exactly what Servants the others summoned that leads up to the ending of the last chapter.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

You get a Servant, I get a Servant, _everyone gets a Servant_!

Even the Holy Grail can't tell Hannah and Barbara apart.

A lot of writing this story has now become asking ourselves: "What would make this situation _worse_?" And then cackling gleefully as we share our ideas with the other.

We are horrible people who love to hurt our favs. Maybe that makes us good writers?

* * *

 **Are Things Better or Worse?**

Let us flash back to a few hours prior to the destruction of Blytonbury…

Hannah and Barbara watch Diana leave like lost puppies. To be fair, Lotte is doing the same. Diana's abrupt exit, dragging Akko and Amanda no less, discombobulates everyone but Sucy, who grins.

"You heard her," Sucy says. "But let's still finish breakfast." Her eyes fix on an omelet with mushrooms.

Jasminka's Servant brings both the perfect amount of food for all of them and everyone's favorite dishes. Even Hannah and Barbara are compelled to have a danish each, despite already finishing their breakfasts.

Assassin of Green huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. "I won't stand for such shitty food. It's unacceptable."

"This is definitely a lot better than Luna Nova's usual choices," Barbara remarks. "You've got a good Servant, Jasminka."

The happy girl nods. "I didn't expect to summon as renown as him."

"Is he even a historical figure?" Sucy asks.

"Well, Akko and Andrew managed to summon Diana and Akko from the future, so I guess anything is possible," Lotte says. "If you can summon heroes from the future, it's possible to summon them from the present too."

"Is Gordon Ramsay even considered a hero?"

Hannah slams her hands down onto the table, cutlery and all. "Of course he is! Not only is he a master chef, but he's also a great philanthropist and instructor to aspiring chefs! You can't diss Gordon Ramsay!"

Sucy blinks, taking a few seconds to form her reply. "I meant to ask why Gordon Ramsay is an Assassin of all classes, but I guess that's not important."

Without the three leaders, the group lingers eating until Sucy takes charge again.

"Last one finished with their summoning circle volunteers to be my test subject until Akko gets back."

Knowing Sucy, she's serious and the other three needing to perform a summoning rush to the room used the first time. Thankfully there is still excess material for the circles.

Once again, Ursula acts as their supervisor for the summoning. She isn't the Overseer, but _someone_ needs to make sure that they children aren't murdered by their Servants or something.

"I really need to find out who the actual Overseer is," Ursula mutters to herself.

Jasminka and Constanze arrive last, tagging along for lack of anything more exciting. They and their Servants sit back to watch. It seems Jasminka had to convince her Servant not to run off into the kitchen or the headmistress' office to yell about something. But when the others ask about it, she waves them off and tells them to worry about the summoning instead.

Hannah and Barbara finish first, having made a single, if slightly large, circle for the both of them.

"Oh, are you both only using one circle?" Ursula asks.

"There wasn't enough to draw a fourth circle," Hannah says.

"We figured it'd also increase our success rate if there's two summoners," Barbara adds.

Ursula nods. "That's understandable."

Lotte has to take a seat from the stress when she finishes next, relieved to have escaped Guinea Pig status. "It's done! I wonder what kind of Servant will answer my summoning?"

" _We_ definitely have to get someone who's just as renowned as Diana's," Hannah says. "It won't do if we summon some loser."

"Even _Akko_ managed to summon a good Servant. We can't lose to her," Barbara remarks.

Sucy stands after finishing her summoning circle. "Even if she only summoned Diana?"

"It's not _just_ Diana!" Hannah and Barbara shout simultaneously.

"Though it's as expected of Diana to make it to the Throne of Heroes," Ursula can't help but comment.

"Well, let's just get this over with," Sucy says.

They all stand ready in front of their respective summoning circles to say the aria. They close their eyes and gather all the magic energy needed while holding out the hands that have the Command Seals inscribed on them.

" _Let silver and steel be the essence._

 _Let stone and the archduke of contracts be the foundation_

 _Let *all shout their team color*, the colour I pay tribute to_

 _Let rise a wall against the wind that shall fall_

 _Let the four cardinal gates close._

 _Let the three-forked road from the crown reaching unto the Kingdom rotate._

 _I hereby declare._

 _Your body shall serve under me._

 _My fate shall be your sword._

 _Submit to the beckoning of the Holy Grail_

 _If you will submit to this will and this reason…Then answer!_

 _An oath shall be sworn here!_

 _I shall attain all virtues of all of Heaven._

 _I shall have dominion over all evils of all of Hell!_

 _From the Seventh Heaven, attended to by three greet words of power,_

 _Come forth from the ring of restraints,_

 _Protector of the Holy Balance!"_

The summoners successfully connect with the Holy Grail and bring their respective Servants to their world. Their magic provides the Heroic Spirits the ability to take form, and the Masters' existence grounds their Servants into reality.

The wind dissipates. The summonings are complete.

The spirit in front of Lotte immediately drops down to one knee. With his head bowed low, his combed-back quirky, long black hair covers his facial features until he lifts his head to address his Master.

"I am the First Spear of the Knights of Fianna, Diarmuid Ua Duibhne. I have been summoned as your Servant under the class of Lancer." He raises his head. "May I ask who I am to serve?"

Lotte's breath hitches in her throat. It isn't simply the black mole under his right eye that seems to be drawing her attention. It is everything about this man's existence. It is the single strand of hair that hangs down his face, the bold features of his face, and most of all his fervent willingness to serve as a Servant. The last of them all is what surprises Lotte the most. It reminds her of a certain character from her _Night Fall_ series who Belle encounters at one point.

Lotte finally finds her voice. "Um, Lotte Yanson."

"Lady Yanson," Diarmuid says to test the name. "What a beautiful name. Yes, I am honored to serve you."

"UM!" Lotte blushes as the man bows his head once more. "L-Lotte is just fine. There's no need to address me so formally!"

Diarmuid nods. "As you wish, Lady Lotte."

"No 'lady' either! And you don't have to stay like that! Um, this is a little odd…"

Diarmuid frowns. "You wish for me to stand? As equals?"

"Isn't that what a Master and Servant relationship should be? You're more of my partner, right? In that case, there's no need to treat me like I really am your Master! But…" Lotte smiles, "thank you for the kindness anyway."

"You're lucky, Lotte," Sucy suddenly says. "Your Servant looks a lot more obedient than mine."

The purple hooded figure in front of Sucy scoffs. "You're not getting a bow from me if you're expecting it. I'm not a knight."

"See what I mean?"

"Servant Assassin of the Red at your service," the Servant addresses sarcastically. "You can call me… ah, I guess Robin Hood will do."

Lotte's eyes widen. "Even _Robin Hood_ was a female?!"

"Ah, you're thinking of the one from legend. No, I'm just using that alias for the purpose of this war. I'd rather not give away my True Name until necessary."

"Um…" Lotte glances at Diarmuid.

The Lancer stands, not on guard but holding both his spears tight. "The situation seems to be quite complicated. I was under the assumption that a group summoning would only include Servants of the same team. Yet our adversaries are in the same room."

"Ah, that's…" Lotte drops her head with a sigh. "We messed up."

"More specifically, Akko, Amanda, and Diana messed up when they summoned their Servants a few days ago," Sucy says. "We're still following the color thing, but we're basically all working together until we get rid of the others who really are our enemies."

Diarmuid nods. "I see." Though whether he truly understands is not clear.

Assassin of Red's eyes widen. "Those three are Masters as well?"

"Mm. Amanda summoned Mordred while Diana summoned King Arthur, both from the Arthurian Legends. Though apparently King Arthur goes by Arturia and is a female. And Akko summoned a future version of Diana."

"I… see."

Sucy narrows her eyes at her Servant. "Your reaction says you know those three even though you've never met them. Are you hiding your face because you're actually…?"

Assassin of Red tenses. Her shoulders then droop as she accepts defeat. "If we're all cooperating and Akko summoned a future version of Diana, then…"

Assassin of Red pulls off her hood then fixes her long, puce-colored hair. One lazy eye stares back at the shocked Masters.

Ursula groans. "Oh not _another_ one. Wasn't Diana and Akko enough?!"

"Yeah. Andrew summoned a future version of Akko," Sucy clarifies at Assassin of Red's confusion.

"What is wrong with this War?" the apparent future version of Sucy asks.

"I just want to ask what is wrong with me to get stuck in such a boring place like the Throne of Heroes."

"It's complicated and I don't have the energy to explain it right now." Assassin of Red pulls her hood back up and looks behind her. "More importantly, it looks like we have a third Servant."

"Oh right, what happened to- Hannah, Barbara are you two okay?!" Lotte shouts.

They don't answer because they are passed out on the ground in front of their Servant who is peering down at them with a tilted head.

"Oh my, I guess I ended up consuming too much magic from them just by answering the summoning alone." The man scratches the back of his head. "No good, no good…"

"There's only one Servant," Sucy states the obvious.

"Is it because those two shared a single summoning circle?" Jasminka wonders.

"Or maybe the Grail couldn't tell them apart, so it just gave them a single Servant to be done with it," Assassin of Red says.

Ursula's eyes widen. She is not the only one who can feel the sheer magic power radiating from this man. The Spirit exudes a fresh aura - as if flowers fill the surroundings. This is no ordinary Servant.

"A Caster?" Diarmuid wonders, also noting the man's magical energy. "And no normal one at that."

The man grins. "Of course! It's not accurate to compare me to the other second rates placed into this same class." Though he smiles, his eyes indicate a dangerous pride that would make Diana or even Daryl look like nothing.

Constanze bristles. Before she can retort, Babbage holds his mechanized hand in front to stop her.

"Do not engage. This man is no human," he says.

"Ah, at least we have a smart Caster over there," Caster of Blue says. "Now, there are two specific Servants I am looking for that you just mentioned: King Arthur and Mordred. Does anyone happen to know where I can find them?"

"Can we know who you are first?" Sucy asks.

"Oh! How rude of me. Allow me to introduce myself." The man pulls on his ethereal robes and bows. "I am Merlin, summoned as the Caster of Blue. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintances."

Silence. Dead silence.

"Wow. I knew they were aiming high, but I didn't think those two would summon the most renown one yet," Sucy comments. "Even though they passed out from it."

Ursula barely keeps her jaw from dropping to the ground. "M-Merlin?! _The_ Merlin?! The mage who trained King Arthur?! One of the wizards during the time of the Nine Olde Witches?!"

"Yes, that's correct! Or at least part of it is. I have no idea who those Nine Olde Hags you mention are. They sound like a pain in my side!"

"You completely know who they are," Sucy and Lotte deadpan.

Merlin waves his hand. "Not me; a different me. I am from a timeline where you witches do not exist. Though I can see that another version of me was associated with the witches you speak of."

Ursula holds her chin between her fingers to think over the information Merlin just gives them. "So the Holy Grail is able to pull Heroic Spirits of different timelines as well?"

"So it isn't certain that Diana, Akko, and I will become the people who were summoned as Heroic Spirits," Sucy says.

"That is correct. Anything is possible with this Grail. It's quite the anomaly in terms of magic artifacts. Though normally the Grail shouldn't have the ability to summon me. This time I forced my way to answer."

"Why wouldn't you normally be summoned?" Lotte asks.

"He is no normal Heroic Spirit," Diarmuid answers. "As he says, he is a Caster who cannot be compared to the others. Merlin is supposed to have confined himself in the Gardens of Avalon, a paradise even the Holy Grail cannot reach. And yet you are here."

Merlin shrugs. "Let's assume this version of me has passed on and is thus able to be recorded by the Throne of Heroes. Besides, I have unfinished business; I never would have expected my young king and his knight to be summoned in the same War. It happens with the other knights, but never these two. I'm rather curious to see how they are doing."

"Well they're in town right now. They should be back in-"

The door to the room they are in is thrown open, revealing Professor Finneran.

"Professor Ursula, where are Atsuko Kagari and Amanda O'Neil?!" she demands.

"Ah, they should have received permission to go to Blytonbury this afternoon," Ursula replies.

Finneran sighs. "I assumed that is where they are at. Do you know the current situation in the town?"

Ursula frowns. "No, did something happen?"

"Apparently it is on fire, on the verge of destruction, and overrun by tentacle monsters."

"It's _what_?!" Hannah and Barbara shriek, sitting upright as they return to consciousness.

"Wow. They were only gone for _two hours_ ," Sucy says.

The two now conscious girls notice the Servants in the room.

"Barbara, I think we missed everything," Hannah says.

"We did…"

"Congratulations you two!" Lotte says. "Merlin should be a great asset to our team!"

The girls' eyes nearly bulge out of their skulls.

" _The_ Merlin?!"

"Oh man, wait until we tell the others!"

"We managed to summon the best Servant to fit with Diana's! What better than the wizard who lead King Arthur to what he became to be!"

"Isn't King Arthur a girl though?'

"Oh right."

Diarmuid frowns. "Tentacle monsters, did you say?"

"Is it something from your past?" Lotte asks.

"No, I have never encountered anything of the sort. But I have the urge to throw my spear at a book for an odd reason."

"Perhaps instincts from a different War," Merlin suggests. "In any case, shall we look into it?"

* * *

The damage is done by the time they arrive. They just witness the brilliant display of what Merlin immediately names as the effects of Excalibur's anti-fortress Noble Phantasm. After that, Finneran, Ursula, and the other professors stay behind to talk to Diana. Meanwhile, the others use the chance to locate the rest of the Blytonbury group with Diana's directions.

Although Diana wants to linger on the man who Hannah and Barbara introduced as Merlin, she has no brainspace to do so if she has to speak to Arturia in her mind while answering the professors in front of her. All she can do is inform Arturia that the new group is coming to greet the rest.

"Hey." Sucy points to a brunette with a distinct small ponytail. "Isn't that Akko?"

"Oh it is! Akko!" Lotte calls.

Akko whirls around. "Lotte! Sucy! Hey! Oh, are those your Servants?"

"The summoning wasn't a problem," Lotte says. "I hope you guys don't mind that we told them who your Servants are. Just so we know who our allies are."

"Our Caster seems to want to meet Diana and Amanda's Sabers though," Barbara says.

"Huh? Why-?"

Amanda winces. "Wow, Mor- Saber sounds _pissed_." (That's a lot of cussing.)

Merlin steps forward, noticing the Servant in the strange Santa costume dematerialize from the corner of his eye. He waves jauntily with a bright smile.

"Are King Arthur and Mordred here?"

"Uh, yeah. They're-" Akko yelps when Amanda kicks her in the back of the legs. "WHAT THE HECK?!"

"Akko, shut up for a moment."

" _Mordred, I'm not going to need to use a Command Seal to ensure no fighting breaks out here, am I?"_

It's a valid question and Mordred ponders it a moment. " _I guess not, but if I can't hurt the Bastard then I'm staying in Spirit form or far away."_

" _...Fair enough."_

Amanda looks closer at the Caster. He doesn't look as impressive as Amanda thought he would or should. Hannah and Barbara are practically oozing haughtiness, proud of their Servant.

"Mordred says Fuck No. In general. As long as you're involved," Amanda says.

"Saber of Blue declines to meet with you at this time as well," Diana tells the Caster, joining the group once the professors leave her to speak to the mayor.

The lack of excitement for their Servant leads Hannah to exclaim, "Didn't you hear us the first time?"

"We said this is Merlin; we summoned Merlin!" Barbara finishes.

Both of them are practically vibrating with the need for praise and approval. At the very least they expected Diana to acknowledge them. But it looks like even the best witch at Luna Nova wants to be anywhere but near their Servant.

Merlin himself is doing an admirable kicked puppy impression.

Amanda walks off. This situation is now a Team Blue Matter and she doesn't want to be party to it.

"You girls have done well," Diana finally says. "I never would have expected to stand beside the Magus of Flowers myself. It is certainly astounding to me. However, Saber appears to have a rather… poor opinion of him."

"What have I done to warrant such hostility?!" Merlin bemoans.

" _I have a list,"_ Arturia tells Diana.

" _I… do not think that is necessary,"_ Diana replies.

"I'm just gonna…" Amanda points to a section of the destroyed town _far_ from their current location, "… go over there. Before Saber punches something or someone."

Akko steps up to the pouting Caster as Amanda leaves. "Are you really Merlin?"

"Indeed. And you are?"

"I'm Kagari Atsuko! You can call me Akko though!"

"Oh, such vibrant innocence!"

" _Diana, pull Akko away at_ once _before that man corrupts her as well,"_ Arturia warns.

Diana frowns, but does as Arturia says and tugs on Akko's arm even as the enthusiastic brunette continues to ask him questions.

" _Where is all of this hostility coming from? Is he not the one who taught you everything you know?"_

" _That is an exaggeration. That man did more harm than good during my life."_

" _That seems different from what the legends have recorded."_

" _The legends are never accurate, as you should know by now."_

Ah, right. The whole gender thing.

Merlin finally notices the black knight sitting on the ground by Louis. "Oh! Even Lancelot is here! Now that is a rather strange sight. You do look like a guard dog like that."

The black helmet rattles with rage. Louis pushes down on the head harder to calm his Servant.

"Come on, the fight's over. No more destroying," Louis chides.

Lancelot growls but does as he is told.

Merlin surveys the others gathered. Other than the ones he has already met, there are two other female ones who look like they can be Casters but seem to belong in different classes. The one with blonde hair who looks like the girl known as Diana is holding back the brunette who looks similar to the young girl who just introduced herself to him.

(My, this really is a rather interesting Holy Grail War.) Merlin grins. (I am glad I decided to cheat my way through this summon.)

* * *

Ursula is tired. No, _exhausted_ is probably the better word. Not only does she have to make sure her students do not die in a war they are _clearly_ not supposed to be in, but then she has to deal with the aftermaths of said war even though she is _not the Overseer_.

(When I find who _is_ I am going to make sure they start doing their job!)

Ursula crashes face-first onto her couch. She would have fallen asleep right there without changing if her magic crystal ball had not started chiming to signal an incoming call.

"Oh, who can it be at this time?" Ursula peels her body from the comfort of her pseudo bed and answers the call. "Hello? Oh, Croix! Why are you calling at… one in the morning?"

"Chariot." Croix sighs in relief. "Oh thank the Nine you answered. I heard your students got involved in some kind of secret magic war?"

"You wouldn't belie-" Ursula's eyes widen. "Wait, how do you know about that?"

"That this is supposed to be a fight against others to claim an omnipotent wishing device? And that the ones called 'Masters' are signified by the red tattoo on the back of their hand?"

And then Croix shows Ursula the back of her left. Despite the blurriness through the crystal, Ursula can clearly see the bruises forming in a distinct way on the back of Croix's hand.

Ursula groans. "Not you too!"

Croix pinches the bridge of her nose. "Chariot, _what is going on_?"

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

YOLO

Yes, Sucy summoned an alternate version of herself. Tbh that was Bandit's idea LOL. And ofc Gordon Ramsay. Now that was MY idea LOL

Holy crap we have a lot of Servants now. To summarize who we have so far:

Team Class Heroic Spirit Master

Blue || Saber | Arturia Pendragon | Diana

Caster | Merlin | Hannah and Barbara

Rider | Arturia Pendragon (Alter) | Frank

Red || Archer | Atsuko Kagari | Andrew

Lancer | Diarmuid Ua Duibhne | Lotte

Caster | Gilles de Rais | U/N

Rider | Diana Cavendish | Akko

Assassin | Sucy Manbavaran | Sucy

Green || Saber | Mordred | Amanda

Berserker | Lancelot | Louis

Caster | Charles Babbage | Constanze

Assassin | Gordon Ramsay | Jasminka

(Wow FFN completely screwed up my formatting for this)

* * *

 **Fun Fact:**

Tomato _can_ tell Hannah and Barbara apart but they're an outlier and should not be counted.

Excuse me that is because I am awesome (just kidding it's because I've analyzed the blue team too much).


	7. Interlude: The Witch's Lament

**Summary:** Akko has a nightmare.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

I wanted to write some angst. You guys can guess who the author for this chapter is XD (Apparently we both like angst tbh.)

Similar to the birthday oneshot, this doesn't have a specific placement between the chapters already written.

* * *

 **Interlude: The Witch's Lament**

Akko blinks slowly. No matter how much she tries to clear her vision, the scene in front of her doesn't become more coherent. She tries to raise her arms to use her hands to rub her eyes but finds them tied behind her back, trapping her body against a thick and coarse log of some sort.

Her fingers have gone numb. How long has she been tied like this?

There are figures on all sides of her. They're mumbling something all at once that it filters through her ears as a sea of white noise. A few of them are holding something lit at the tip, especially the few quieter and impassive ones standing closest to her. Torches maybe.

Someone to the right begins to speak, urging the crowd to silence. Their white robe contrasts the dark and grime of the rest of the scene. But Akko feels no sense of comfort from this person. This is no savior.

Akko wants to wriggle her arms, kick her legs, or just anything to get out of her bindings. But her body refuses to listen to her. Despite the ominous sense of dreading slowly crushing her, Akko's distress and her current reaction seem to disassociate from one another.

A woman's voice speaks to the crowd. Something about a trial, something about fear, something about exorcising. She speaks of the deeds of witches, of how they cannot be trusted. That their mysteries are no miracles if they cannot be replicated by the normal people. That it is time for them to no longer rely on magic.

Akko doesn't understand. How can anyone fear magic? She was supposed to bring smiles to the world with it. But now they're denouncing it?

Akko tries to move her body in protest. But her mind remains separated from her existence. The only reaction this body gives is to clench her tied hands into white-knuckled fists.

The woman in white signals to the people standing at the front. Akko wonders if she would've liked to see their expressions.

Maybe not. She doesn't know.

The sticks of red are thrown at her feet. The red grows in size and licks at her feet. The heat starts off as normal, almost as if it is a usual hot day in the summer. Akko stares as the flames crawl closer.

And then the pain begins.

Slowly, slowly, she feels the flames bite at her ankles. It consumes the wood she stands on before reaching her body and eating that as well. The flames grow and grow, eat and eat, burn and burn.

Akko tries to scream. She wills her muscles to work so she can at least release the pain vocally if she cannot move the rest of her body to flee. But her existence remains immobile. The only thing that changes is how hard she clenches her fists.

The feeling of blood trickling from her palms is a small distraction from the flames eating up her body. But only just; it is too small of an amount to douse the fire.

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.

(Why won't I move?)

It hurts. It hurts but she still doesn't move. Why doesn't she move?

And then she hears it. The chanting voices finally filter through her foggy mind.

Repeating the name of someone Akko knows does not deserve to be tied to this pyre. The name of a girl who should not have died by burning at the stake.

* * *

Her lungs finally inhale a sharp breath. Her dry throat continues to expel the scream that she was unable to cry in her dreams. But reality is much kinder, allowing her the autonomy she was denied in that moment of helplessness.

A hand is placed over her eyes, sending her vision back to darkness. The hand is warm and smooth. Along with the darkness, it is a needed comfort that slowly eases her tense body to relax. Her lungs prioritize breathing and stop her screams.

Voices echo in her ears. At least they are familiar.

"-wrong with-?"

"Perhaps- There are- bond-"

"-mentioned that-!"

None of that processes in Akko's muddy brain. The only thing that strikes through her frazzled mind is one name. A name that she had grown to hear so often because of how everyone praises the owner of the name.

She speaks the name with a breathless whisper. The sound that escapes her lips is nearly inaudible, a stark contrast to the malevolent chanting of the crowd in her dreams and her own screaming in reality.

"Diana…" Akko sits up in her bed, disregarding the hand that was over her eyes. "Diana!"

Akko throws off her covers and bolts out the door. She ignores the others calling for her. She doesn't even feel herself trip and fall as she runs toward the blue team's room.

All she does is repeat that single word like mantra until she arrives at her destination and practically throws her fists against the door.

It doesn't take long for someone on the other side to throw the door open.

" _What_ do you want?!"

On the other side is Hannah, her hair frazzled and her bathrobe a bit disheveled. Barbara comes up behind her while rubbing her eyes from sleep. Merlin materializes next to her, his expression relaxed but intrigued.

"What's going on?" Barbara asks with a yawn. "Akko? This is ridiculous even for you. Why'd you pound on our door?"

Akko looks past those three through the darkness to the bookshelf near the other side of the room. Finally, the third witch of the blue team moves from her side of the room to the larger area.

Despite the dim lighting, Akko can make out Diana's features without much trouble. Her long, platinum blonde hair, tousled by sleep. The light blue bathrobe that she undoubtedly threw on just now. Blue eyes blurry with sleep. Light and smooth skin.

Intact. Everything is intact. Nothing is burning. She's _alive_.

Akko barrels past Hannah, Barbara, and Merlin without a second thought. Before anyone can say a word, Akko throws herself over Diana and sends them crashing to the ground. Thankfully, the blue team's lush carpet cushions their fall enough to avoid injury.

But Diana is still very, very confused.

"A-Akko! What is the meaning of this?!"

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?!" Hannah shouts.

Barbara joins Hannah. "Get off of her!"

Before the two can come close enough to pry Akko off of Diana, Arturia materializes and holds out an arm to stop them. She shakes her head.

Footsteps in the hall pull their attention to the area outside their room. Sucy and Lotte stop in front of the entrance to catch their breath. Rider of Red materializes behind them and steps into the room as well. Sucy and Lotte's Servants are undoubtedly behind them or nearby, but choose to remain in astral form.

Arturia is the first to speak. "What happened?"

"Akko… Akko was having a nightmare," Lotte gasps. "She wouldn't stop screaming even after she woke up…"

Arturia narrows her eyes at Rider of Red. "Nightmares…?"

Rider of Red shakes her head. "Most likely she peered into my past life. I had a similar exposure to her own memories."

Akko whips her head toward her Servant. "Wait… so I was dreaming about…? What the heck, that was you?! Is that how you died?!"

"Ah. You were dreaming of _that_. Yes, that is how I died."

Akko rolls off of Diana but remains sitting on the ground by her side. "But why would they just- That's not _fair_."

Rider of Red raises an eyebrow. "How you had an unpleasant evening or my death?"

"Did Diana learn sarcasm?" Sucy wonders.

"Sucy, really not the time," Lotte scolds.

"What did you do that they would do that to you?" Akko pulls her knees to her chest. "I thought the Witch Hunts were a thing of the past, not the future."

"What did I do? I did all that I could to follow the Cavendish motto. I helped others regardless of their side, regardless of their origins and background. Not everyone agreed with that; it was expected." Rider of Red chuckles darkly. "I suppose it isn't as easy to hide during my time as it was for my people centuries ago. I was branded a traitor and tried for my crimes. That is all."

Akko shoots up onto her feet. "And I'm saying that's not fair! What crimes?! You were helping people when no one else would, when no one else could! How does that deserve to be punished?! And worst of all," Akko points a finger at her Servant, "why didn't you fight it?!"

"Becoming a hero means you can only save some, but not all. You must choose a side." Rider of Red shakes her head. "I foolishly thought I could do better. My naivety convinced me that I could save everyone. I did not care for whose side was right and whose was wrong. All that mattered was keeping as many people alive as possible. But that is impossible during times of war. Those who do not choose a side to stand on will only be cast aside and condemned by everyone, regardless of your beliefs and motives. Choose to help those of one side and you will be an enemy to the other. Choosing to save both does not make you hero; it makes you everyone's villain."

Akko shakes her head. "That's not right. That's not…"

Rider of Red smiles sadly. "You said that to me as well. You adamantly believed there should be no discrimination. If I was to help people, then I should do so for all. You continued to remind me that, even until your last breath."

Akko's eyes widen. "Wait, so I…?"

Rider of Red turns away so she does not have to face her Master. "A futile dream. I should have known it was impossible when I failed to save the most important person in my life."

"Huh. Diana and Akko get to be a thing? So some of that fanfiction you read was right," Sucy says to Lotte.

"This doesn't sound like it has a happy ending though," Lotte replies.

"Atsuko Kagari died by wounds inflicted by those who were just forming what came to be known as the Anti-Magic Faction." Rider of Red clenches her teeth and fists her hands together to keep them from trembling. "I tried to save her. I looked through every source I could. I even tried to revive the destroyed text in Beatrix's library. I tried, but I failed."

Diana regains her bearings and sits up next to Akko. "There are those who are against witches and the magic community even in our present day. How did they become powerful enough to gain influence?"

"A lot can happen in just a decade. The revival of the Yggdrasil does not mean it quells the fears of man. If anything, it might have only fueled the flames of their terror even more."

Hannah's eyes widen. "Let me guess, if Akko's dream to make everyone happy with magic is still true even in the future…"

"That'd make her one of the easiest targets," Barbara finishes with a gasp.

Rider of Red confirms their suspicions with haunted eyes. "I knew I could not stop her from doing what she wanted. So I warned her. But Akko is not someone who heeds warnings until it is too late." She looks at her Master with an expression so broken that it leaves Akko speechless. "You never _learn_."

"Unbelievable."

All heads turn to the young blonde standing up and brushing off her nightgown. When she has made herself presentable, Diana continues, "I cannot believe I become such a person who speaks in contradictions."

"What?" Rider of Red narrows her eyes, irritation masking her despair.

"You speak of the guilt you feel for failing to save Akko, yet you blame her for her own faults. Then what are your true feelings? Why have you not accepted the circumstances? Why do you stay stagnant?"

Rider of Red's eyes widen. She gapes at her younger self until the shock morphs into bewilderment. For the first time, Diana Cavendish, the true heiress of the House of Cavendish, bursts into a uncontrollable laughter.

Akko looks between Diana and her Servant. "Um…"

The others aren't sure what to say. Even Merlin's neutral expression turns sour.

"Why have I not moved on? Is that what you want to ask me?" Rider of Red calms herself and scoffs. "Naive, naive, _naive_. Was I truly this ignorant as a child?"

Diana narrows her eyes.

Rider of Red continues, "Tell me, how long did it take you to accept your mother's death? How long did it take for you to stop knocking on her door every night? For you to sleep in your own bed instead of your mother's? How long? Weeks? Months? Or perhaps years?"

Rider of Red takes a step toward her younger self. "The one who is unbelievable is you. I see you have not learned what true loss is. It is has been too long since your last; you have forgotten how it feels. Acceptance is not as easy as you claim."

Diana stands her ground. "Do you think I have forgotten how it feels to lose a loved on? To lose the woman who was my entire life? That does not mean I can afford to drown in my despair. I had no choice but to learn to sustain myself on my own in a short amount of time, with everyone watching and criticizing. I did everything I could to reach my goal and become the successor to the House of Cavendish that Mother wished for me to become. I honored her memory instead of looking back and coveting the happiness that I could no longer have. I find it truly hard to believe if you are myself if you have forgotten our own history."

Years of repressed feelings rise to the surface. These are complaints that Diana would never voice to anyone, not even her closest confident Anna. However, she has no restraints when it comes to the woman in front of her who should know her better than anyone else.

But that is not the case. Perhaps these two women are actually far more different than they realize.

Rider of Red takes one final step. This time, she forces Diana to take a step back. "No, _you_ are the one who must learn. If you continue down this path and take every burden upon yourself, then all that awaits you is a fate of loss and despair. You will never be satisfied; it will never be enough. You will alienate yourself while shrouding yourself in a veil of false perfection in an attempt to hide your true broken, weak self. There is no happiness for you if all you do is cling to the past."

Arturia's eyes widen. Why does that strike a chord in her? The wording is certainly different, but the message is the same.

Where has she heard this before?

"And you are not?" Diana retorts.

"The past is all I have," Rider of Red replies with a broken voice. "I have nothing else. My family, decimated. The world, my enemy. My love, murdered in cold blood. What else can I cling to? You are not me; you have everything to look forward to. You have the means to change your fate and prevent yourself from making the mistakes I did." Rider of Red growls. "And yet you willingly destroy yourself."

"That's not true!" Akko jumps to her feet and raises her voice. "That's not true at all!"

"Akko?" both Dianas mutter, the older in a softer voice.

"You're wrong about Diana," Akko says to her Servant. "She _has_ changed! She's not so obsessed with traditions and all that boring stuff. She's willing to open her options and let other people in! Just look at Hannah and Barbara. Then there's me, Lotte, Sucy, Amanda and her team, the professors, and so many more! She's not just some perfect student who needs to become the next Cavendish head. She's our friend too!"

"Yeah!" Hannah cuts in. "The dunce is right! Diana used to always hole up in the room to study until four in the morning with only her desk lamp as her light."

Barbara shakes her head. "She doesn't think we notice it happening all the time. Sheesh, it's like she doesn't know we use the bathroom in the middle of the night too."

Diana blinks. She really didn't.

"But now she actually comes with us when we go to town," Hannah continues. "More often than before at least."

"And she's spending time with the troublemakers," Barbara adds. "Not that it's the best thing but at least she's trying."

"Hey! You just insulted me twice in five minutes!" Akko yells.

Lotte nods and adds, "Diana is as much of a friend to us as everyone else is. It's like Akko said, she _has_ changed."

"She's less of an enigma and celebrity; more like the rest of us." Sucy chuckles. "Gotta say she's pretty good to keep up with us for so long."

Akko's voice lowers. "Did you not too? Didn't you have us too?"

"I did," Rider of Red admits. "But you have to understand, Akko. We won't all stay together after we graduate from Luna Nova. It was only by chance that you and I would find each other again. The others dispersed; I cannot even remember the last time you spoke with Lotte and Sucy."

Akko's eyes widen. "Then… then it's our fault?"

"What?" Rider of Red shakes her head. "No, none of it is-"

"But you just said it. It's my fault for being so reckless and not thinking even after I'm supposed to be older."

"And it's _our_ fault for not being there for you guys when we should have," Barbara finishes for Akko. "She really is right. It's totally our fault."

Hannah narrows her eyes at the unexpected reasoning but comes to it as well after some seconds of pondering. "Yeah, it really is."

"Guess we become pretty bad adults in the future," Sucy comments.

Lotte's expression falls downcast. "I didn't think we'd be such horrible friends…"

Both Dianas begin to protest, "No, this is not-"

"It is! It's our fault, it's our fault, it's our fault!" Akko storms forward until she is right in front of Rider of Red. She pokes a finger into the taller woman's chest, _hard_. "If I keep saying that, will you stop blaming yourself?!"

"But it isn't-"

"I'm not that Akko." Akko looks at Diana. "And Diana isn't you. I promise we'll do better. I'll make sure everyone stays in contact and help each other. We're going to stay friends even when we're old grannies. I promise!"

Hannah scoffs. "Can't say I want you to annoy me even when I'm about to go blind and deaf. But I guess if it's to help Diana, I can't say no."

"Who knows? The future you see might not even come to pass for these young witches," Merlin speaks for the first time. "Your own tragedy is your own. It isn't fair to pass it onto a version of yourself that might not follow the same path. After all, the kaleidoscope is quite vast."

"And even if it does, we'll all be there for you this time," Lotte says. "We're friends now; I hope that doesn't change."

"Losing Akko does sound like a pretty bad nightmare," Sucy remarks. "Who's going to be my guinea pig if she kicks the bucket?"

"Wait, you plan on using me for your potions even when we move out?!" Akko shrieks.

"That's what friends are for, right?"

Rider of Red's defeated sigh interrupts Akko's retort.

"I see. It seems I worried over nothing."

"… Huh?" Everyone blinks in confusion.

Rider of Red's tense shoulders finally drop. "My tragedy is my own. Is that what you said, Caster of Blue?"

Merlin chuckles. "You're still naive if you didn't realize that yourself."

Rider of Red's lips pull up into a small smile. For the first time that night, it is devoid of all sarcasm and sadness. Her body begins to dissipate as she dematerializes from the world.

Before she disappears, she looks at Diana and answers Merlin, "Yes, I suppose I am…"

The others blink and stare at the spot that Rider of Red disappeared from.

"Of all things to keep, you have to retain that unnecessary overdramatic flair," Sucy says directly to Diana.

"That woman is not me," Diana states with a glare.

" _And that child is not me,"_ Rider of Red says to Akko through their mental link. " _Now, I believe I have wasted enough of our time for the night. You should return to bed and get some rest. It's been a long night."_

" _Now I'm definitely going to make you talk to me about your life. It sounds like you have a lot of stress to unload. Hm, maybe I should talk to Diana too."_

Rider of Red chuckles. In spirit form, she watches as Hannah and Barbara pester Diana with a multitude of concerned questions.

" _I don't think you need to prioritize that for the time being."_

Yes, perhaps all can be well in this version of the multiverse.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

I think this is the last completed update we have for this story. Until further notice, this story will go on hiatus and be marked as complete until one of us ends up finishing what little we've started. Which may not be anytime soon considering Bandit has classes and I have my grad applications.

Thanks to everyone who's been reading this wacky crossover! The next update will be for _Timeless Oath_. See you all in two weeks!

* * *

 **Fun Fact:**

I know for a fact that both Bandit and myself don't like Shirou or Archer. However, I have a soft spot for imagining my favorite characters in Archer's signature outfit. So Diana with that red cloak and mantle set and black armor, dual wielding with UBW in the background…

I just love swords don't judge meeeeeee.


End file.
